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Showing posts from December, 2010

Why do couples stop having sex in a long term relationship.

You may not know how common it actually is.....
But research shows that around 20 million marriages, and long term relationships in the USA, are without sex, or passionate intimacy.
Twenty percent of couples have sex 10 times per year or less.

Some couples do not just stop having sex, but also stop touching, hugging or kissing one another. (most do not engage in French kissing any more)

A number of couples rarely say, “I love you,” and many feel lonely and isolated within their relationships.


I sit to reflect on the subject with the hope of coming up with some perspective on the issue.... I have tried the ideas that I plan to present here, and they worked for me.

There are the obvious reasons that long term couples stop having sex, but those obvious reasons, usually lead to divorce.
There is the lack of compatibility, lack of heart connection and lack of respect for each other, brought about by observing one another as we go through life, and finding the other lacking....

There is the unwill…

To listen or not to listen.... Or about my mental creative block.

I wrote this piece a few days ago.
I became aware that a recent experience, generated in me a major fear of sharing my life publicly, and that writing about my thoughts or about my pain and my process of moving through it, can put me in a vulnerable place, that could be easily used to ridicule me or even take advantaged of my openness, if I am not more careful.

I decided to publish this note anyway, for the sake of honesty and openness.
Maybe I should not have done so.... But maybe someone will benefit from reading something in it, or just by reflecting on this...


It happened on the day we left NZ.

We were sitting in our car, driving to the small regional airport, through green fields dotted with sheep, and bordered with green trees.
Under some huge trees, cows were finding shelter from the pouring rain.

It had been sunny and dry in Northland NZ for months, and on the day of our flight, the Bay Of Islands airport was delaying its flights due to misty weather and heavy rains.

I am no longer ho…

My reflections about Creative Blocks..

To some, artistic blocks happen when you feel that you are not able to write or to paint, when you want to express yourself creatively.

It takes many forms and resonates differently in each one of us.

Some may feel numbness..... or paralysis.... as if they do not know where to begin..... Or how to continue with a project.... They find themselves stuck.

It could be due to fear, anxiety, or just an unidentified halt of creative flow and ideas.

During the years I reflected on this subject dozens of times, and had many conversations with other artists and writers, about the subject.

I can start by saying upfront, that my previous conclusions were that there is really NO such thing as a creative block.

There are mental and emotional blocks that happen as a result of fears, doubts, pressure or not cultivating good habits, that are needed, in order for one to have a career in the arts, or to live a creative life.

Many working artists will confirm this statement... "Who has the time to be creat…

A letter exchange with a budding poet...

I got this touching letter, written in the form of a loose poem, from a fellow poet who shared with me his inner doubts:


"How to know if you're a poet,
A writer...
Or a sad dreamer lost in letters?

When I find myself in the whirlwind of my sad escapes,
I wonder if I really am a poet,
and a true writer....

Currently, I continue....
I am just opening the windows...
One after another....
And it makes me happy
to take in these occasional bursts of air
while hoping to find the key to my own door....

Outside, a world awaits since sunrise,
And I am afraid of the night....

I fear that when the night may falls,
They'll all leave...
without ever meeting me.

I think of myself as this little chick,
who tries to beat its wings
to see if it has the strength and courage
to leave its nest....

He dares... Yet is reluctant....
It is hard to jump into the void,...
Into the unknown....
And it is even harder... to fall from the top....

How to fly without seeing the horizon?
I still need the support...."

(By Mohame…

Reflections about nuclear, enabling and destructive relationships......

The holidays are usually times for family gatherings.
It brings to my mind reflections on why I chose to live far away from my own family.....and mostly felt happy and resolved about it.

I first heard about the concept of 'enabling,' many years ago, in connection with pain and motives for alcohol and drug addictions.

But upon reflection, I recognized how the same concepts apply to a broader range of human sufferings and how it stands at the core of many bad relationships and stagnant situations, that prevents people from growing and becoming whole.

To put it in blunt words; "If everybody loved you, when you are an asshole, you are NOT likely to change....but you are likely to stay an asshole."

If nobody points out to anyone else, that a certain behavior is bigoted, inappropriate or rude, we lack the mirrors needed for seeing what we do wrong.

Now...saying this.. I am VERY aware that people will point to you what THEY think you are doing wrong, based on their concepts of …

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.....

Yesterday night, a friend shared a link on my status post.
It was an old Neil Diamond's song called: "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother."

It has been ages since I've heard this song,...... but the title of the song, did crossed my mind two months ago, while we were hiking in Cambodia.

I am sure that you have heard the story called "Footprints," which tells of a man who died and went to Heaven, where of course.... He met Jesus.

From that Heavenly view point, they stood together and looked at the man's life journey, shown as footprints on the sand.

Jesus pointed out that there were TWO sets of footprints in the sand, where he always walked with the man... And Never left his side....

The man got pissed off and said: "Some older brother you are.... You were suppose to walk the path of life WITH me ALWAYS.... But look at the footprints,......when my life got REALLY difficult, there is only ONE set of footprints..... I was walking alone and lonely...&…

This is for the young artists and writers.... or it can be called: "The Tao Of Weed..."

I wrote this note with a glimpse of hope....

But with the understanding that each and every one of us HAS to walk his /her own path...... and will probably not even listen to me anyway....

And it is perfectly OK.....

But still.....
I feel the need to write this, for the younger generation.
Maybe because when I was young and eager to learn, so foolish.... And so experimental......I never read anyone refer to it metaphysically....

In fact, the only ones who said anything, were the moralistic hypocrites who drove from Church/ temple, straight to the prostitute section of town...... Because they filled their heads with moralistic nonsense which holds no ground in the heart and soul of truth.

So now that I am old (ish...) and wise (?.....) I want to share this with my brothers and sisters on the path...

But I do hesitate....

Oh... What the hell, I will just come out and say it....

"If it is enlightenment that you want...
If you want Miracle and magic in your life...
If you want to seriously "…

The fear of success... do you have it in you?

I am laying on my my back, on a yoga mat.
We've just finish a great yoga class, and it is relaxation time.
My eyes are tearing uncontrollably.
I am not sobbing, it is a silent cry.
My heart is aching and the tears are freely streaming from my eyes, down into my ears...... they roll into my hair and soak into my yoga mat.

The heaviness I have been carrying inside for weeks, is being released now.

The voice of reason, is telling me to relax and get a grip...

But the pain feels unbearable....
It was being released during the yoga movements in the class, and now.......it feels like a burst pipe....

The pain feels almost physical, but I can spot it by its tone..... It is my ego..... whining to me....
It is telling me that it stings like a bee and it feels so unjust....

I hear my ego's voice inside of me crying: "How could this have happened?
I ONLY tried to help.... I had NOT one selfish motive here..... I wanted to be kind and to help lift up a person who seemed to be so lost.....

I did …

Heaven or hell anyone?.....

I wrote a bad poem:

"Discontent is not a bliss,
It will robe you of your peace
It will take you to a spin
In a misery machine.... "

Sorry about the lame poem...
But allow me to try to put it better:

Discontentment, is a major block to your happiness.
Cynical people tend to find faults in things or situations, and they go around feeling unhappy and discontent.

Happiness is not an external affair.
It does not come to you based on circumstances.... on where you are or what you do, or how much you succeeded or achieved in earthly goals.

It also does NOT stand in direct relation to any of your inner progress, or your ability to process your childhood patterns and pains.

It is ONLY a matter of FOCUS and it becomes a life long habit..... Bringing you happiness or misery, based on your choice of what to focus on.

Happiness is an inner river that flows through your being, and if you learn to let go of all the muck and the brush growing on the side of the river, you can bath in this river wheneve…

A Christmas Story....

We are going back to ski season in Colorado.
Home is calling us and my heart is yearning to be back there...
I thought I'd share a short story I observed last ski season.

A bit of A background:

Some of the best and most exclusive ski resorts in the USA, are nestled on the curves of the Rocky Mountains in Colorado.

Christmas and New Year, are never overlooked.
They are prime ski times and families from all over the USA, South America, Europe and the whole world, fly over to celebrate together a most memorable Christmas, filled with good food, beautiful hotels, and the best powder skiing on the planet.

Every pine tree is lovingly decorated with white lights and all the roads, leading to and from the ski resorts are glowing with elegant white lights.

The decoration is never garish.
You will not see a multicolor techno lights here, and there are no nativity scenes or fat Santas wearing red suit that are too small for their frame, on these mountains....

The alpine ski resorts, are transformed in…

I respectfully disagree....

Those who do not live in the USA, may not know her.
Her name is Suze Orman and she gives budgeting and financial advice to people on TV.

My favorite segment of her show, is called "Can I Afford It?"

In it, clueless people call to ask if they can afford something they wish to spend their money on....

First they describe what it is that they really want in their lives,.....
Like a six month cruise around the world, valued at $35,000,
A wrecked old antique car, for $40,000 that one day, they'll fix.
A bottle of wine valued at $2000
Etc...

I use the words 'clueless people,' because if you could REALLY afford it, you'd know it...
And some people are so not even in the range of being able to afford what it is they want..... that It is amazing to watch it,....... and it is a real eye opener, as to how bad choices can derail you financially.

After they express their wishes, Suze questions their motives and gets some details on their situation....

They say things like: "M…

Dealing with rejection and criticism of your art.

Once upon a time, in far away land....

"NO! What are you doing?
You are not going to say anything MORE about this muddy muck are you?
Flame the fire?
Are you simply INSANE?
Sinking to the bloody battlefield full of clashing egos?"

No, NO relax....
I am not gonna talk about it any more...
This is a story about criticism.

I wanted to reflect about criticism, because I feel that it needs to be looked at.
Especially criticism that artists, writers and other creative beings, get for showing their work.

So.... Once upon a time in a far away land...... we were walking through a Sunday market in Bondi Beach, which is located in a suburb of Sydney Australia.

Bondi Beach has sand, sun and surf, but it is not a pristine and remote beach.
In fact, it is very much an urban beach.

It is a manicured and well kept beach, a place to hang out with your best bathing suit, meet people, eat and observe the surfers, mingle with the tourists and the locals.

In the Sunday market, I met a young writer.
He sat on a …

About compassion... A letter exchange with a fellow artist.

I got this email From K. G.

Hi Tali,
Last night I read your post "United We Fall or Stand" and while I couldn't agree with all that you said nothing really bothered me about it until I reached the end and read the comment about starving poets.

I hope your not offended because no offense is intended but to me it seemed to lack compassion.

I personally think that when an artist or writer presents their work to others they need to be strong enough to withstand any criticism.
It's a big tough world out there.
Negativity just comes with the territory.
No one is immune.

When someone is in a tough situation sometimes they just need to vent frustration.
In the name of brotherhood the more fortunate among us need to absorb some of the pain others feel with the hope it helps them move forward.

While receiving personal criticism is never pleasant, consider how unpleasant the writer's life must be.
There is also the possibility they are right.
In which case we are exposed to a point of …