Claim your right to your Voice and to understand yourself....
13 days before our cycling adventure in China, my random thoughts:
I am learning to speak Chinese, in preparations for our upcoming trip...
Oh, who am I kidding.......... I cannot even pronounce anything beyond counting to ten, saying "Thank You" and "Hello/ Good day".
To be able to speak a little bit....... (so I can ask where is the toilet,)....... and a few more useful phrases, I installed on my iPad a program called: "Chinese Speak Pad."
It has some common and very useful phrases, and when you click on a phrase, it will speak those sentences in Chinese.
The program, was written by a Chinese person who is not fluent in English, because there are sentences which make no sense in English like: "Please, I was stolen".
(I guess it means to convey the fact that somebody robed you....)
It also has some terms of politeness and how to order in a "restaulant" (no misspelling here, they actually wrote: "Terms to use in a restaulant")
To be sure that I am not insulting anyone while trying to order Fried Rice,
I also installed a 'Speaking multi language dictionary'... ( now I can 'speak' and shabbily communicate and get misunderstood in ALL languages)
It basically does the same.
It speaks the sentences that you type, but it also writes in Chinese characters.
I have to admit that I am steeped in Chinese culture now.....
Yesterday, my period was very strong, so I declared it a 'sofa rest day,' and spent the whole day reading books while laying on the sofa and drinking Chinese tea..
I am currently reading three centuries of Chinese philosophy, Chinese poetry old and new, and books translated from Chinese or written by Chinese people about their childhood and memoirs.
Here is a poem that I read by a contemporary poet named Cha Haisheng, who was born at the same year I was born at:
"From tomorrow, I will be a lucky person
Feed the horse, chop wood, travel the world.
From tomorrow,
I will think of my health and eat more vegetables.
I will have a house facing the ocean
The warmth of spring will blossom.
From tomorrow, I will write to my family
Tell them I am settled, I am calm.
A warmth will radiate through my life
It will radiate to everyone in this world.
From tomorrow, each river and each mountain
Will be given a new and tender name .
Strangers, I will also wish you happiness,
May you have a brilliant future!
May your lovers eventually become spouse!
May you enjoy happiness in this earthly world!
I only wish to face the sea, with spring blossoms."
Cha Haisheng
Cha did not get to live his dreams...
He never moved to live in a house facing the ocean..... Chop wood or feed the horses.....
He did not get to travel, or take care of his health, by eating more vegetables....
He killed himself by laying on the train tracks, on a mountain pass.
He was run over by a train, on the exact day of his twenty fifth birthday.... A great poetic soul lost...
I reflected about how right he was.....
What more does a man need for happiness....... But a house facing the ocean or the mountains....... some simple work like chopping wood or feeding horses.......
For fun, excitement and inspiration, one can travel the world.....
Take care of one's health by eating more fruit and vegetables....
Be calm....
Have a quiet mind..... and wish EVERYONE on earth, the very best.....
When I took breaks from reading, I reflected about my own life....
I must have had a strong past life as a Chinese or a Japanese person.
I concluded this, not by having any substantial memory or even a dream, but because I clearly was born with a very strong sense that the collective good, is far greater than my own personal identity.
I did NOT get it from my parents, because both of them as well as my sister, have NO problem with having an overly developed ego and a strong sense of self....
They had no problem claiming space or saying what they thought or wanted..... Even demanded it.
For me, the communal good was always the most important...... And 'little me,' was totally insignificant....... And it went to extremes.......
When I first became an artist, I found it very hard to sign my name to the paintings I've made....
And when I recognized the feeling inside of me, I thought that I felt this way, because I felt inadequate...... Not confident in my work enough.....
But it was not true..... I was clearly aware that I was feeling that signing my name, was an act of arrogance....
As if I was honoring my name too much..... and promoting self importance....not allowing the strength of the paintings to speak for themselves....
I used to look with awe, at artists who signed their name in big and bold letters...
I even had a period in which I intentionally, did not sign paintings because of this.
When people who bought my art asked why the paintings are not signed, I mumbled apologetically that I "forgot" and signed it on the spot for them.
I stopped doing this, when a couple from Huston Texas, demanded that I meet them on my drive through their town, to sign the painting that I 'forgot' to sign.....
They took it off their wall, and met me next to the highway I was driving on, so I can sign their original painting.....
It was so embarrassing, and I felt like I inconvenienced them so much....... just because of my own issues.......that I stopped 'forgetting' to sign my painting and forced myself to look deeper into the issue, and to 'grow up' in understanding....
In China and Japan, there is an old traditional belief, that individuality, should NOT be encouraged, and that the good of the collective, the group, the country, is MUCH more important than the individual self.
Personal histories and details of people's lives, are not seen as important, but the collective memories, stories and history, is all that is valued and what matters.
This is a very big subject that needs more reflection.
When does the search for individuality, for self expression, for self awareness, for self sovereignty and understanding of the nature of Self, crosses over and becomes self grandiose, selfishness, or only looking for what serves the self.....
Like in everything else, it all depends on how you look at it...and in finding balance.
Being self centered, can be seen as selfishness, OR it can be said that unless a person is deeply centered in her self, and has some insight into her own nature and her own self, she has no capacity to truly relate to others, or to understand human nature.
It is paramount that one explores and discovers who he is, and what makes his heart sings....
Learning about self, claiming the rights to your own personal history, and your rights to contemplate, to understand, and to share your own personal story, is very important to your growth and to making sense and generating meaning from your life story.
One of the reasons that history repeats itself, is because the world is locked into a repetitious cycle of misery.
This happens because wounded people, never resolve their issues, but blindly live in pain and inflict pain and keep hurting those around them, because they themselves were badly wounded....and unable to heal....
The wheel of hurt, needs to stop with YOU......as you sit on your sofa with a cup of tea, and start looking....... and crying,........ and talking........ and contemplating........ And understanding your OWN history,............ your own story,........... your own pain,......... your own joys......... your own heart,........... your own mind,.......... your own life... Your own self...
I needed to learn that what was for my own highest good, was inevitably what was good for others...
What is TRULY good for one, is good for ALL...
( the opposite also apply.... What is NOT good for the individual, CANNOT be what is good for the society,......because a society after all..... Is just a collection of individuals....)
So now, I sign every one of my paintings.
I constantly look inside my self, and at every opportunity, I encourage others to do the same...
On the other hand, as you grow in understanding and you become aware of who you REALLY are....and what is the TRUE nature of the Self, you become aware of your ONENESS with all there is..... And this includes EVERYONE.....
This stage of understanding, helps you release your personal dramas.... And understand that you created and still create them, for the lessons that they held FOR you and for your growth....
You realize that beyond the world of your perceived senses, there is the world of essence..... In which your own Higher Self is the Creator of your reality...
I guess I can sum it up by saying that the search for your True Self, will take you from thinking and identifying with your smaller ego, which sees itself as a separate body, to experiencing and understanding your Greater Self, which is Spirit and one with the whole Universe....
I am learning to speak Chinese, in preparations for our upcoming trip...
Oh, who am I kidding.......... I cannot even pronounce anything beyond counting to ten, saying "Thank You" and "Hello/ Good day".
To be able to speak a little bit....... (so I can ask where is the toilet,)....... and a few more useful phrases, I installed on my iPad a program called: "Chinese Speak Pad."
It has some common and very useful phrases, and when you click on a phrase, it will speak those sentences in Chinese.
The program, was written by a Chinese person who is not fluent in English, because there are sentences which make no sense in English like: "Please, I was stolen".
(I guess it means to convey the fact that somebody robed you....)
It also has some terms of politeness and how to order in a "restaulant" (no misspelling here, they actually wrote: "Terms to use in a restaulant")
To be sure that I am not insulting anyone while trying to order Fried Rice,
I also installed a 'Speaking multi language dictionary'... ( now I can 'speak' and shabbily communicate and get misunderstood in ALL languages)
It basically does the same.
It speaks the sentences that you type, but it also writes in Chinese characters.
I have to admit that I am steeped in Chinese culture now.....
Yesterday, my period was very strong, so I declared it a 'sofa rest day,' and spent the whole day reading books while laying on the sofa and drinking Chinese tea..
I am currently reading three centuries of Chinese philosophy, Chinese poetry old and new, and books translated from Chinese or written by Chinese people about their childhood and memoirs.
Here is a poem that I read by a contemporary poet named Cha Haisheng, who was born at the same year I was born at:
"From tomorrow, I will be a lucky person
Feed the horse, chop wood, travel the world.
From tomorrow,
I will think of my health and eat more vegetables.
I will have a house facing the ocean
The warmth of spring will blossom.
From tomorrow, I will write to my family
Tell them I am settled, I am calm.
A warmth will radiate through my life
It will radiate to everyone in this world.
From tomorrow, each river and each mountain
Will be given a new and tender name .
Strangers, I will also wish you happiness,
May you have a brilliant future!
May your lovers eventually become spouse!
May you enjoy happiness in this earthly world!
I only wish to face the sea, with spring blossoms."
Cha Haisheng
Cha did not get to live his dreams...
He never moved to live in a house facing the ocean..... Chop wood or feed the horses.....
He did not get to travel, or take care of his health, by eating more vegetables....
He killed himself by laying on the train tracks, on a mountain pass.
He was run over by a train, on the exact day of his twenty fifth birthday.... A great poetic soul lost...
I reflected about how right he was.....
What more does a man need for happiness....... But a house facing the ocean or the mountains....... some simple work like chopping wood or feeding horses.......
For fun, excitement and inspiration, one can travel the world.....
Take care of one's health by eating more fruit and vegetables....
Be calm....
Have a quiet mind..... and wish EVERYONE on earth, the very best.....
When I took breaks from reading, I reflected about my own life....
I must have had a strong past life as a Chinese or a Japanese person.
I concluded this, not by having any substantial memory or even a dream, but because I clearly was born with a very strong sense that the collective good, is far greater than my own personal identity.
I did NOT get it from my parents, because both of them as well as my sister, have NO problem with having an overly developed ego and a strong sense of self....
They had no problem claiming space or saying what they thought or wanted..... Even demanded it.
For me, the communal good was always the most important...... And 'little me,' was totally insignificant....... And it went to extremes.......
When I first became an artist, I found it very hard to sign my name to the paintings I've made....
And when I recognized the feeling inside of me, I thought that I felt this way, because I felt inadequate...... Not confident in my work enough.....
But it was not true..... I was clearly aware that I was feeling that signing my name, was an act of arrogance....
As if I was honoring my name too much..... and promoting self importance....not allowing the strength of the paintings to speak for themselves....
I used to look with awe, at artists who signed their name in big and bold letters...
I even had a period in which I intentionally, did not sign paintings because of this.
When people who bought my art asked why the paintings are not signed, I mumbled apologetically that I "forgot" and signed it on the spot for them.
I stopped doing this, when a couple from Huston Texas, demanded that I meet them on my drive through their town, to sign the painting that I 'forgot' to sign.....
They took it off their wall, and met me next to the highway I was driving on, so I can sign their original painting.....
It was so embarrassing, and I felt like I inconvenienced them so much....... just because of my own issues.......that I stopped 'forgetting' to sign my painting and forced myself to look deeper into the issue, and to 'grow up' in understanding....
In China and Japan, there is an old traditional belief, that individuality, should NOT be encouraged, and that the good of the collective, the group, the country, is MUCH more important than the individual self.
Personal histories and details of people's lives, are not seen as important, but the collective memories, stories and history, is all that is valued and what matters.
This is a very big subject that needs more reflection.
When does the search for individuality, for self expression, for self awareness, for self sovereignty and understanding of the nature of Self, crosses over and becomes self grandiose, selfishness, or only looking for what serves the self.....
Like in everything else, it all depends on how you look at it...and in finding balance.
Being self centered, can be seen as selfishness, OR it can be said that unless a person is deeply centered in her self, and has some insight into her own nature and her own self, she has no capacity to truly relate to others, or to understand human nature.
It is paramount that one explores and discovers who he is, and what makes his heart sings....
Learning about self, claiming the rights to your own personal history, and your rights to contemplate, to understand, and to share your own personal story, is very important to your growth and to making sense and generating meaning from your life story.
One of the reasons that history repeats itself, is because the world is locked into a repetitious cycle of misery.
This happens because wounded people, never resolve their issues, but blindly live in pain and inflict pain and keep hurting those around them, because they themselves were badly wounded....and unable to heal....
The wheel of hurt, needs to stop with YOU......as you sit on your sofa with a cup of tea, and start looking....... and crying,........ and talking........ and contemplating........ And understanding your OWN history,............ your own story,........... your own pain,......... your own joys......... your own heart,........... your own mind,.......... your own life... Your own self...
I needed to learn that what was for my own highest good, was inevitably what was good for others...
What is TRULY good for one, is good for ALL...
( the opposite also apply.... What is NOT good for the individual, CANNOT be what is good for the society,......because a society after all..... Is just a collection of individuals....)
So now, I sign every one of my paintings.
I constantly look inside my self, and at every opportunity, I encourage others to do the same...
On the other hand, as you grow in understanding and you become aware of who you REALLY are....and what is the TRUE nature of the Self, you become aware of your ONENESS with all there is..... And this includes EVERYONE.....
This stage of understanding, helps you release your personal dramas.... And understand that you created and still create them, for the lessons that they held FOR you and for your growth....
You realize that beyond the world of your perceived senses, there is the world of essence..... In which your own Higher Self is the Creator of your reality...
I guess I can sum it up by saying that the search for your True Self, will take you from thinking and identifying with your smaller ego, which sees itself as a separate body, to experiencing and understanding your Greater Self, which is Spirit and one with the whole Universe....
