How our inner focus shape what we see.
We were sitting at an outdoor cafe in Aspen, when my friend who is a struggling writer, told me that he feels repulsed.
"What are you repulsed about?"
I asked intrigued.
It was a sunny summer day, and we were sitting in a lovely spot in a quiet and calm town, having a drink and a light meal.... I looked around and was honestly unable to see what could upset him so....
I wanted to know what was going on inside his mind....
"All these rich people, sitting and eating with their loving families..... I have NOTHING in common with them...." he said as he pointed to a group of about eight, silver haired people who were sharing a quiet meal, laughing and conversing quietly among themselves.
I stretched my mind to see his point....but I could see none.....
The women were not full of botox, or plastic surgeries, all were dressed modestly, with khaki shorts and polo shirts..... They did not treat the waiter with disrespect or argued....they were just having a brunch together......
But I COULD easily see how the predetermined ideas in his mind, can blind him from even seeing the people in front of him.
MY own mind, was not happy with his suggested thought system.... And it was raising questions like.....
"How does he know that they are even rich?
Just because we are in Aspen?
These people could be on the verge of bankruptcy,..... or living on credit.... They could be raising disable children, or struggling with cancer.
They could be going through dozens of sad life circumstances that require sympathy, and all he sees is a stereotype of class and rich people and he gets upset?....."
I was feeling disheartened, but I said nothing.
A week later we sat at a local cafe' in a nearby town on the way to Aspen, called Glenwood Springs.
Glenwood Springs, is a hot-springs town, filled with working people, with a very mixed population.
My friend turned to me and said: "Look at this poor man, he is in such great pain.... Look at his knees, they are swollen and they looks like he had multiple surgeries on them....I fees so sorry for the poor man, having so much pain in his life... I think that I will go and talk to him...."
And so he did...
He took his coffee and joined the man's table.
I enjoyed seeing them connect and laugh together.
This man with his khaki shorts.....and his polo shirt....was kind and warm to my friend and it was wonderful to see them connect so easily.
What my friend did NOT see, was that after they shook hands and the man collected his set of keys from the table, he entered his brand new Ferrari parked right outside the cafe....
When my friend did not see a 'rich guy' and prejudged him as a privileged creep, as he usually does.... He got along very well with the guy on a HUMAN level....
It happened again, when we invited another struggling friend, to visit us in NZ.
Kohukohu NZ, is not a rich town.
He felt at home here, and he walked around feeling like a big fish in a small pond....
I have no idea what gave him this idea.... and I felt disheartened all over again...
We wanted to be good hosts and to show him some other parts of NZ, but he was totally disinterested.
He walked around sneering at the towns and harbors that we showed him, saying that they are filled with pricy sailing boats and homes he could never afford.....
He hated everything he saw outside of Kohukohu.... And we decided not to spend our energy on showing him any more...
I said nothing, but inside, I felt so disheartened....
I wondered why does he travel to different shores, with the same worn out, limiting ideas of class and privilege that sabotage his life at home?....
We did not take him to see NZ so we can sell him real estate..... we only wanted to show him what the country looks like..... Hoped that he will soak the breeze and the sun into his bones..... and get the vibe and the feel of the place, get another perspective and expand his views....
But all he saw was that in Kohukohu there are people who struggle harder than he does, to make a living...and he LOVED that....
He saw people who never been outside of NZ....and since he has seen parts of Europe, he felt like a big shot....
He may have flown a large distance, to visit new lands, but in his mind, he has not yet crossed the ocean of limited ideas....
"What are you repulsed about?"
I asked intrigued.
It was a sunny summer day, and we were sitting in a lovely spot in a quiet and calm town, having a drink and a light meal.... I looked around and was honestly unable to see what could upset him so....
I wanted to know what was going on inside his mind....
"All these rich people, sitting and eating with their loving families..... I have NOTHING in common with them...." he said as he pointed to a group of about eight, silver haired people who were sharing a quiet meal, laughing and conversing quietly among themselves.
I stretched my mind to see his point....but I could see none.....
The women were not full of botox, or plastic surgeries, all were dressed modestly, with khaki shorts and polo shirts..... They did not treat the waiter with disrespect or argued....they were just having a brunch together......
But I COULD easily see how the predetermined ideas in his mind, can blind him from even seeing the people in front of him.
MY own mind, was not happy with his suggested thought system.... And it was raising questions like.....
"How does he know that they are even rich?
Just because we are in Aspen?
These people could be on the verge of bankruptcy,..... or living on credit.... They could be raising disable children, or struggling with cancer.
They could be going through dozens of sad life circumstances that require sympathy, and all he sees is a stereotype of class and rich people and he gets upset?....."
I was feeling disheartened, but I said nothing.
A week later we sat at a local cafe' in a nearby town on the way to Aspen, called Glenwood Springs.
Glenwood Springs, is a hot-springs town, filled with working people, with a very mixed population.
My friend turned to me and said: "Look at this poor man, he is in such great pain.... Look at his knees, they are swollen and they looks like he had multiple surgeries on them....I fees so sorry for the poor man, having so much pain in his life... I think that I will go and talk to him...."
And so he did...
He took his coffee and joined the man's table.
I enjoyed seeing them connect and laugh together.
This man with his khaki shorts.....and his polo shirt....was kind and warm to my friend and it was wonderful to see them connect so easily.
What my friend did NOT see, was that after they shook hands and the man collected his set of keys from the table, he entered his brand new Ferrari parked right outside the cafe....
When my friend did not see a 'rich guy' and prejudged him as a privileged creep, as he usually does.... He got along very well with the guy on a HUMAN level....
It happened again, when we invited another struggling friend, to visit us in NZ.
Kohukohu NZ, is not a rich town.
He felt at home here, and he walked around feeling like a big fish in a small pond....
I have no idea what gave him this idea.... and I felt disheartened all over again...
We wanted to be good hosts and to show him some other parts of NZ, but he was totally disinterested.
He walked around sneering at the towns and harbors that we showed him, saying that they are filled with pricy sailing boats and homes he could never afford.....
He hated everything he saw outside of Kohukohu.... And we decided not to spend our energy on showing him any more...
I said nothing, but inside, I felt so disheartened....
I wondered why does he travel to different shores, with the same worn out, limiting ideas of class and privilege that sabotage his life at home?....
We did not take him to see NZ so we can sell him real estate..... we only wanted to show him what the country looks like..... Hoped that he will soak the breeze and the sun into his bones..... and get the vibe and the feel of the place, get another perspective and expand his views....
But all he saw was that in Kohukohu there are people who struggle harder than he does, to make a living...and he LOVED that....
He saw people who never been outside of NZ....and since he has seen parts of Europe, he felt like a big shot....
He may have flown a large distance, to visit new lands, but in his mind, he has not yet crossed the ocean of limited ideas....
