The dance between a man and woman.....
Every time I post a joke or make a remark about marriage, or about the relationship between a man and a woman, I get a lot of dust rising from that post.
It seems to stir something within people.
The relationship between the sexes, has a sensitive spot which whispers about a mystery......A clash.... A struggle to understand each other,....... A contradiction,............ A pull of powers and a difficulty to connect with the 'other' world....
Many psychological books were written about this subject, the most famous of them is "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus."
They all imply that women and men, are somehow 'wired' differently, and that we need to learn to 'understand' each other and connect without conflict, because there are fundamental differences between us.
This belief is the premise of the problem and it is the cause of many of the conflicts, that can never be bridged on this level of understanding.
I hold a very different belief which I will share here.
I was looking for ways to illustrate my words, and one came to me this week.
A drive through picturesque bays, filled with fishing boats, small lakes, breathtaking green hills and meadows, took us to the northern tip of New Zealand, where the Tasman Sea meets the Pacific ocean.
The place is called Cape Reinga, ('Reinga' is Maori for 'Underworld'.)
It is also called 'Te Rerenga Wairua', meaning the leaping-off place of spirits.
Both names refer to the Māori legend that the cape, is the point where the spirits of the dead enter the underworld.
But this is not the only legend surrounding this mystical place.
There are dozens of others, and it is easy to see why this place inspired so many of them.
Common sense will point to the fact that naming oceans, is a human invention.
That there is really no 'Pacific ocean' and 'Tasman Sea', but a huge mass of water, surrounding the islands.
But the land separating the two bodies of water, does create patterns in the movement of the tides, and the flow of the water.
They seem to flow towards one another from opposite directions.
The Tasman from the west, and the Pacific from the east.
At the point where these two bodies of water meet, there is a 'tidal race'.
You can easily see the unsettled waters just off the coast.
The Māori refer to this as the meeting of 'the sea of Rehua',
with 'the sea of Whitirea',
Rehua and Whitirea, represent the male and the female elements.
The two principles, visibly meet with a dance of the waters and foam, that reminded me of the gentle dance of a sexual encounter.
When the oceans are stormy, this display would be more dramatic, and would resemble a more passionate dance.
The ancient Chinese called it the 'Yin and the Yang'.
They are the two attributes of the whole.
The feminine and the masculine, are not viewed as better or less, but as equal forces with different aspects.
The soft and the hard, are not seen as a judgement call, or a comparison, but as two attributes of power.
Everything in the RELATIVE world, the hot and the cold, the high and the low, the mountains, the sea, the meadow, the trees, the fire and stone,..... all are differentiated by their qualities and categorized as Yin or Yang.
Many people use the term Yin and Yang often, but few apply these principals to a marriage or a relationship.
My husband used to humbly tell me, that after demonstrating such intuitive abilities, he concluded that I am so often 'right', that he sees no point in arguing with me.
He jokingly says "you are the boss..."
I remind him often, that there is no 'boss' in a wholesome relationship.
That it is NOT a WORK environment, but a LOVE, and heart based connection.
It is suppose to be a divine union of bodies and souls, with equal powers.
A good marriage or relationship, is not about the fulfillment of needs or locking one another into roles.
The man does not always have to be the strong one.... He can be tender, childish and foolish when he wants to.... And the female does not have to be soft, feminine, or yielding all of the time... She can be strong and leading.
In a good marriage, we allow one another, to be what we need to be, and we give each other room to fully experience, what we need to experience, without imposing OUR expectations.
A harmonious relationship, can only develop, if we view one another with a loving mind and we wish to see each other happy and joyful, even if one chooses to break the relationship and be with another.
Years ago, when I divorced my first husband Roni, we decided to make a 'divorce party.'
We talked it over, and mentioned, that everyone celebrates their marriages, but very few celebrate the closure of that relationships with a divorce party.
So we organized a party at my girlfriend's penthouse apartment, with catering from my restaurant, drinks and dancing.
It was a lovely party, and Roni and I danced together and laughed.
When the party was over, Roni habitually reached for my hand, and asked me if I am ready to go home..... We both laughed when we remembered that I had moved out of our apartment, more than a month ago.
A truly loving relationship, is NOT one that rises out of desperation, dependency and fear.It happens when both partners feel worthy and feel that they have much to offer, to give and to share.
Now the juicy sex...... Sex is a climactic exchange of energies.
People tend to associate love and sexual desires, with the heart area, but scientists, currently show, that attraction is created in the mind and is fueled by chemicals and chemistry.
The chemical oxytocin, has been termed 'the cuddling chemical.'
And it is also linked to milk production in women.
Believe it or not, but scientists tells us that Oxytocin, makes women and men calmer and more sensitive to the feelings of others.
It also plays an important role in sexual arousal and is associated with production of more hormones that signals orgasm and prompts cuddling between lovers before, during, and after lovemaking.
Beyond sex and the chemistry based attraction, some of us feel a deep desire to share our life with someone.....
Behind this desire, is the Desire for wholeness.....
We seek to be whole as an individual.....
To learn to embody the Yin and the Yang in harmony inside ourselves.
Yin, the feminine principle, is usually characterized as slow, soft, yielding, diffuse, cold, wet...... and is associated with water, Nighttime, the earth and the moon.
Yang, the masculine principle, is characterize as fast, hard, solid, focused, hot, dry, or aggressive....... and is associated with fire, sky, the sun, and daytime.
A whole person, is one who becomes aware that we already have ALL these qualities, within ourselves....
We can be soft or hard, tender and kind, as well as strong, smart, powerful.... We have all qualities in us.
We want to be able to call upon what is needed from us, as life present us with its many storms.
Now... For closing, I will add that seeking for what you already have, is a bit silly, but it is what we do here no earth.... Seeking for the powers we already possess.
Seeking to remember, will be a better way to put it....
And.... Opposites.... They only exist in relation to each other..... And in the relative world.
But in TRUTH.... We are already wholesome within, and we need only to remember our true nature.... And our powers.
It seems to stir something within people.
The relationship between the sexes, has a sensitive spot which whispers about a mystery......A clash.... A struggle to understand each other,....... A contradiction,............ A pull of powers and a difficulty to connect with the 'other' world....
Many psychological books were written about this subject, the most famous of them is "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus."
They all imply that women and men, are somehow 'wired' differently, and that we need to learn to 'understand' each other and connect without conflict, because there are fundamental differences between us.
This belief is the premise of the problem and it is the cause of many of the conflicts, that can never be bridged on this level of understanding.
I hold a very different belief which I will share here.
I was looking for ways to illustrate my words, and one came to me this week.
A drive through picturesque bays, filled with fishing boats, small lakes, breathtaking green hills and meadows, took us to the northern tip of New Zealand, where the Tasman Sea meets the Pacific ocean.
The place is called Cape Reinga, ('Reinga' is Maori for 'Underworld'.)
It is also called 'Te Rerenga Wairua', meaning the leaping-off place of spirits.
Both names refer to the Māori legend that the cape, is the point where the spirits of the dead enter the underworld.
But this is not the only legend surrounding this mystical place.
There are dozens of others, and it is easy to see why this place inspired so many of them.
Common sense will point to the fact that naming oceans, is a human invention.
That there is really no 'Pacific ocean' and 'Tasman Sea', but a huge mass of water, surrounding the islands.
But the land separating the two bodies of water, does create patterns in the movement of the tides, and the flow of the water.
They seem to flow towards one another from opposite directions.
The Tasman from the west, and the Pacific from the east.
At the point where these two bodies of water meet, there is a 'tidal race'.
You can easily see the unsettled waters just off the coast.
The Māori refer to this as the meeting of 'the sea of Rehua',
with 'the sea of Whitirea',
Rehua and Whitirea, represent the male and the female elements.
The two principles, visibly meet with a dance of the waters and foam, that reminded me of the gentle dance of a sexual encounter.
When the oceans are stormy, this display would be more dramatic, and would resemble a more passionate dance.
The ancient Chinese called it the 'Yin and the Yang'.
They are the two attributes of the whole.
The feminine and the masculine, are not viewed as better or less, but as equal forces with different aspects.
The soft and the hard, are not seen as a judgement call, or a comparison, but as two attributes of power.
Everything in the RELATIVE world, the hot and the cold, the high and the low, the mountains, the sea, the meadow, the trees, the fire and stone,..... all are differentiated by their qualities and categorized as Yin or Yang.
Many people use the term Yin and Yang often, but few apply these principals to a marriage or a relationship.
My husband used to humbly tell me, that after demonstrating such intuitive abilities, he concluded that I am so often 'right', that he sees no point in arguing with me.
He jokingly says "you are the boss..."
I remind him often, that there is no 'boss' in a wholesome relationship.
That it is NOT a WORK environment, but a LOVE, and heart based connection.
It is suppose to be a divine union of bodies and souls, with equal powers.
A good marriage or relationship, is not about the fulfillment of needs or locking one another into roles.
The man does not always have to be the strong one.... He can be tender, childish and foolish when he wants to.... And the female does not have to be soft, feminine, or yielding all of the time... She can be strong and leading.
In a good marriage, we allow one another, to be what we need to be, and we give each other room to fully experience, what we need to experience, without imposing OUR expectations.
A harmonious relationship, can only develop, if we view one another with a loving mind and we wish to see each other happy and joyful, even if one chooses to break the relationship and be with another.
Years ago, when I divorced my first husband Roni, we decided to make a 'divorce party.'
We talked it over, and mentioned, that everyone celebrates their marriages, but very few celebrate the closure of that relationships with a divorce party.
So we organized a party at my girlfriend's penthouse apartment, with catering from my restaurant, drinks and dancing.
It was a lovely party, and Roni and I danced together and laughed.
When the party was over, Roni habitually reached for my hand, and asked me if I am ready to go home..... We both laughed when we remembered that I had moved out of our apartment, more than a month ago.
A truly loving relationship, is NOT one that rises out of desperation, dependency and fear.It happens when both partners feel worthy and feel that they have much to offer, to give and to share.
Now the juicy sex...... Sex is a climactic exchange of energies.
People tend to associate love and sexual desires, with the heart area, but scientists, currently show, that attraction is created in the mind and is fueled by chemicals and chemistry.
The chemical oxytocin, has been termed 'the cuddling chemical.'
And it is also linked to milk production in women.
Believe it or not, but scientists tells us that Oxytocin, makes women and men calmer and more sensitive to the feelings of others.
It also plays an important role in sexual arousal and is associated with production of more hormones that signals orgasm and prompts cuddling between lovers before, during, and after lovemaking.
Beyond sex and the chemistry based attraction, some of us feel a deep desire to share our life with someone.....
Behind this desire, is the Desire for wholeness.....
We seek to be whole as an individual.....
To learn to embody the Yin and the Yang in harmony inside ourselves.
Yin, the feminine principle, is usually characterized as slow, soft, yielding, diffuse, cold, wet...... and is associated with water, Nighttime, the earth and the moon.
Yang, the masculine principle, is characterize as fast, hard, solid, focused, hot, dry, or aggressive....... and is associated with fire, sky, the sun, and daytime.
A whole person, is one who becomes aware that we already have ALL these qualities, within ourselves....
We can be soft or hard, tender and kind, as well as strong, smart, powerful.... We have all qualities in us.
We want to be able to call upon what is needed from us, as life present us with its many storms.
Now... For closing, I will add that seeking for what you already have, is a bit silly, but it is what we do here no earth.... Seeking for the powers we already possess.
Seeking to remember, will be a better way to put it....
And.... Opposites.... They only exist in relation to each other..... And in the relative world.
But in TRUTH.... We are already wholesome within, and we need only to remember our true nature.... And our powers.
