About compassion... A letter exchange with a fellow artist.
I got this email From K. G.
Hi Tali,
Last night I read your post "United We Fall or Stand" and while I couldn't agree with all that you said nothing really bothered me about it until I reached the end and read the comment about starving poets.
I hope your not offended because no offense is intended but to me it seemed to lack compassion.
I personally think that when an artist or writer presents their work to others they need to be strong enough to withstand any criticism.
It's a big tough world out there.
Negativity just comes with the territory.
No one is immune.
When someone is in a tough situation sometimes they just need to vent frustration.
In the name of brotherhood the more fortunate among us need to absorb some of the pain others feel with the hope it helps them move forward.
While receiving personal criticism is never pleasant, consider how unpleasant the writer's life must be.
There is also the possibility they are right.
In which case we are exposed to a point of view we would not see on our own.
I know in my life, criticisms that were painful to receive, seemed unjust and out of place at the time ultimately helped me grow.
Anyway these thoughts accompanied me today so I thought I'd share them.
Happy Holidays,
K. G.
Dear K.G.
I found myself VERY grateful for your message, its level headed insight and wisdom and I wished that you had posted it in the comments of my note....
I stand corrected.
You are right!
I was feeling too vulnerable, and was NOT displaying compassion when I wrote that paragraph.
A little over two months ago, I stood in Cambodia in a temple filled with the "four faces of God" (the attributes of them... At least), and one of them was compassion.....
I closed my eyes and vowed to work hard to embody all four.
And... I failed here... Again....
I know where it came from....
It came from being an artist who knows and experienced loads of rejection.....
And as a writer, getting such harsh and venomous criticism, from people who did not even make any sense to me.....
It came from that voice in my head, who sits on my shoulder when I write, and tells me "do not share this... Nobody will understand... Wait and see how they will crucify you if you'll say that........"
And feeling almost paralyzed with fear.... To even finish telling a story.
I am quite aware of the fear that I feel to share my ideas, or at times, fear even to say ANYTHING....
People read into my stories anything they want to read.
It seems as if so many people forget that FB is NOT some alien platform from out of space, but that it is filled with REAL PEOPLE...
Creative people with feelings....... and that bashing one another, even if a person thinks that he is justified, is just NOT the correct thing to do.
You said very wisely and compassionately, that "When someone is in a tough situation sometimes they just need to vent frustrations. In the name of brotherhood the more fortunate among us need to absorb some of the pain others feel with the hope it helps them move forward...."
I know that what you said is absolutely true....
But.....
A few things I would like to mention here.
I am NOT more fortunate than anyone on earth.
EVERYTHING I have and enjoy in life, came to me and stays with me, based on my own belief system and my own doing.
I got nothing from my parents or anyone else.
It is my strong sense of brotherhood, that drives me to want to share how I did it, for the sake of those who are ready to hear, or just need reenforcement....
And,........ I know that it is paramount to be compassionate in life,
But....
I am not sure I want to be the boxing sack that takes those punches from others....
I have done this in the past, in many of my relationships... And I can tell you now, that I learnt that it is NOT the right course of action. (think of the abused women who think that it is the compassionate and loving thing to do, to stay with an abusive husband....)
Those who are aching and unhappy, still need to learn social skills of what is appropriate and what is NOT appropriate to do in public.... Or to others.
I read about people who admitted that they get drunk, and go on FB and post nasty comments on people's poems and stories.
How is absorbing their cruelty, is going to help them learn anything valuable?
I had this dilemma once when my mother told me a story.
She is ALWAYS getting into other people's business, and I was always after her, to stop doing that....
One day she told me that she went to a shopping Mall, and in the toilets, she saw a mother beating her young daughter.
She said the mother was not just beating her five years old girl, but actually punching her.
My mother of course interfered and yelled and physically stopped that mother from punching her daughter.
She asked me: "So where are your truth principles now?..... Was I suppose to be compassionate towards the mother? And to honor the fact that she was just angry and needed to vent? Or to be compassionate towards the girl and stop the abuse? Or was I suppose to just wash my hands and walk away and allow life to take its course? Or did I do the right thing by sticking my nose where is does not belong?"
I know that many people on FB and in the world, are aching and in pain.
I know that so many are lacking in understanding and direction.
The concept of allowing others to vent on you, may sound lofty, but it does needs to be looked at... And be re examined
If we were less tolerant of harsh and mean criticism, as individuals and as a society, maybe less people will be damping it on one another......
Compassion takes many faces... It is NOT always silent, accepting the punches and yielding.
Sometime compassion is expressed by telling it like it is..... And moving on... And leaving others to sort through their issues.
Compassion is Not always expressed by holding a person's hand and tearing with him, as he tells you his many woes and how the world have been cruel to him, when you see clearly how his anger had created each and every one of his life's conflicts.
I will risk here going on a limb and giving you an example from the Bible....
Sorry about this...
I am NOT a bible person, but it does have some superb stories that could be re- told and understood in a new light.
There is the story of one of Jesus' disciples, who his father just died.
The whole town was in mourning, and Jesus wanted to leave town right away.
The disciple asked Jesus, "Can I first bury my father, and then leave with you?"
And Jesus said: "Let the dead bury their dead"...
Theologian argued over this line for ages....
To me, it means that Jesus, who did not believe that death or sickness existed, did not want to express compassion by sitting with the mourning crowds.
To do so, will mean to 'buy into the belief in death' for the sake of compassion....
And Jesus did not think that it is the right thing to do... To cry with the people over a lie.... The lie of mortality.....
So he left the mourners with their self pity, loss and belief in death...... and walked away.
Dear K.G, I do not wish for you to get the wrong impression....
I AM GRATEFUL for your email VERY, VERY much.
I realize now, how foolish I am by feeling so self guarded.
What do I have to fear after all?
It is just MY opinion.....and others are just sharing their own opinions.... Nothing more.
It was your email that helped me understand this, and your advanced views, that pushed me to look at my inner fears and now... Laugh at them.
Thank you K. G.
For your wisdom.
Tali
P.S.
Can I share this conversation on my notes?
Your email is VERY wise and I know some people who will benefit from our exchange...
Please.......
K. G wrote:
Tali,
After I thought more about it, I realized that the thing I was seeing was that the words you used seemed out of character from the rest of your writings.
They weren't really you.
The motive for the words is valid.
The choice of words could have been better.
When I read it my mind formed the image of a poor, sad and failed poet, bitter with envy, and it reminded me of people I have known.
They were good people working their way through tough times for noble reasons and deserved better words.
So I felt compassion.
If the words conjured images of rude drunks my reaction would have been quite different.
Compassion would have been replaced by concern for you.
I once read "All writing is rewriting" .
A friend of mine did a series of paintings based on the concept of the difference between the ideal and the real.
On the left side of each canvas was a portrait of an idealized Mr. Potatoe Head.
On the right side the same Mr. Potatoe Head would be portrayed with the eyes, nose, ears ect. located in various places around the head.
It was funny, but true, there is always a difference between the ideal and the real.
I think the key is to be light hearted about it.
Everyone needs street smarts.
Tact, subtlety and applied technology work well together.
If someone says things that go beyond reason stop reading, delete it, unfriend them. Everyone has their limits.
Some people are beyond approach and need to be avoided.
The planet isn't populated with saints, only humans.
Your right each act of compassion is subject to the circumstances surrounding it and the people involved.
Some people deserve it others don't.
I think it's good to leave the option open.
Nothing worthwhile is easy.
My dad had what he called the school of hard knocks and I took some classes there. Those things in life you learn the hard way.
Refresher courses are always available but never desired.
If you think my email can help someone go ahead and use it with an initial.
I'm just an artist trying to maintain a positive outlook.
Thanks for taking my words in the spirit they were written.
K. G.
Hi Tali,
Last night I read your post "United We Fall or Stand" and while I couldn't agree with all that you said nothing really bothered me about it until I reached the end and read the comment about starving poets.
I hope your not offended because no offense is intended but to me it seemed to lack compassion.
I personally think that when an artist or writer presents their work to others they need to be strong enough to withstand any criticism.
It's a big tough world out there.
Negativity just comes with the territory.
No one is immune.
When someone is in a tough situation sometimes they just need to vent frustration.
In the name of brotherhood the more fortunate among us need to absorb some of the pain others feel with the hope it helps them move forward.
While receiving personal criticism is never pleasant, consider how unpleasant the writer's life must be.
There is also the possibility they are right.
In which case we are exposed to a point of view we would not see on our own.
I know in my life, criticisms that were painful to receive, seemed unjust and out of place at the time ultimately helped me grow.
Anyway these thoughts accompanied me today so I thought I'd share them.
Happy Holidays,
K. G.
Dear K.G.
I found myself VERY grateful for your message, its level headed insight and wisdom and I wished that you had posted it in the comments of my note....
I stand corrected.
You are right!
I was feeling too vulnerable, and was NOT displaying compassion when I wrote that paragraph.
A little over two months ago, I stood in Cambodia in a temple filled with the "four faces of God" (the attributes of them... At least), and one of them was compassion.....
I closed my eyes and vowed to work hard to embody all four.
And... I failed here... Again....
I know where it came from....
It came from being an artist who knows and experienced loads of rejection.....
And as a writer, getting such harsh and venomous criticism, from people who did not even make any sense to me.....
It came from that voice in my head, who sits on my shoulder when I write, and tells me "do not share this... Nobody will understand... Wait and see how they will crucify you if you'll say that........"
And feeling almost paralyzed with fear.... To even finish telling a story.
I am quite aware of the fear that I feel to share my ideas, or at times, fear even to say ANYTHING....
People read into my stories anything they want to read.
It seems as if so many people forget that FB is NOT some alien platform from out of space, but that it is filled with REAL PEOPLE...
Creative people with feelings....... and that bashing one another, even if a person thinks that he is justified, is just NOT the correct thing to do.
You said very wisely and compassionately, that "When someone is in a tough situation sometimes they just need to vent frustrations. In the name of brotherhood the more fortunate among us need to absorb some of the pain others feel with the hope it helps them move forward...."
I know that what you said is absolutely true....
But.....
A few things I would like to mention here.
I am NOT more fortunate than anyone on earth.
EVERYTHING I have and enjoy in life, came to me and stays with me, based on my own belief system and my own doing.
I got nothing from my parents or anyone else.
It is my strong sense of brotherhood, that drives me to want to share how I did it, for the sake of those who are ready to hear, or just need reenforcement....
And,........ I know that it is paramount to be compassionate in life,
But....
I am not sure I want to be the boxing sack that takes those punches from others....
I have done this in the past, in many of my relationships... And I can tell you now, that I learnt that it is NOT the right course of action. (think of the abused women who think that it is the compassionate and loving thing to do, to stay with an abusive husband....)
Those who are aching and unhappy, still need to learn social skills of what is appropriate and what is NOT appropriate to do in public.... Or to others.
I read about people who admitted that they get drunk, and go on FB and post nasty comments on people's poems and stories.
How is absorbing their cruelty, is going to help them learn anything valuable?
I had this dilemma once when my mother told me a story.
She is ALWAYS getting into other people's business, and I was always after her, to stop doing that....
One day she told me that she went to a shopping Mall, and in the toilets, she saw a mother beating her young daughter.
She said the mother was not just beating her five years old girl, but actually punching her.
My mother of course interfered and yelled and physically stopped that mother from punching her daughter.
She asked me: "So where are your truth principles now?..... Was I suppose to be compassionate towards the mother? And to honor the fact that she was just angry and needed to vent? Or to be compassionate towards the girl and stop the abuse? Or was I suppose to just wash my hands and walk away and allow life to take its course? Or did I do the right thing by sticking my nose where is does not belong?"
I know that many people on FB and in the world, are aching and in pain.
I know that so many are lacking in understanding and direction.
The concept of allowing others to vent on you, may sound lofty, but it does needs to be looked at... And be re examined
If we were less tolerant of harsh and mean criticism, as individuals and as a society, maybe less people will be damping it on one another......
Compassion takes many faces... It is NOT always silent, accepting the punches and yielding.
Sometime compassion is expressed by telling it like it is..... And moving on... And leaving others to sort through their issues.
Compassion is Not always expressed by holding a person's hand and tearing with him, as he tells you his many woes and how the world have been cruel to him, when you see clearly how his anger had created each and every one of his life's conflicts.
I will risk here going on a limb and giving you an example from the Bible....
Sorry about this...
I am NOT a bible person, but it does have some superb stories that could be re- told and understood in a new light.
There is the story of one of Jesus' disciples, who his father just died.
The whole town was in mourning, and Jesus wanted to leave town right away.
The disciple asked Jesus, "Can I first bury my father, and then leave with you?"
And Jesus said: "Let the dead bury their dead"...
Theologian argued over this line for ages....
To me, it means that Jesus, who did not believe that death or sickness existed, did not want to express compassion by sitting with the mourning crowds.
To do so, will mean to 'buy into the belief in death' for the sake of compassion....
And Jesus did not think that it is the right thing to do... To cry with the people over a lie.... The lie of mortality.....
So he left the mourners with their self pity, loss and belief in death...... and walked away.
Dear K.G, I do not wish for you to get the wrong impression....
I AM GRATEFUL for your email VERY, VERY much.
I realize now, how foolish I am by feeling so self guarded.
What do I have to fear after all?
It is just MY opinion.....and others are just sharing their own opinions.... Nothing more.
It was your email that helped me understand this, and your advanced views, that pushed me to look at my inner fears and now... Laugh at them.
Thank you K. G.
For your wisdom.
Tali
P.S.
Can I share this conversation on my notes?
Your email is VERY wise and I know some people who will benefit from our exchange...
Please.......
K. G wrote:
Tali,
After I thought more about it, I realized that the thing I was seeing was that the words you used seemed out of character from the rest of your writings.
They weren't really you.
The motive for the words is valid.
The choice of words could have been better.
When I read it my mind formed the image of a poor, sad and failed poet, bitter with envy, and it reminded me of people I have known.
They were good people working their way through tough times for noble reasons and deserved better words.
So I felt compassion.
If the words conjured images of rude drunks my reaction would have been quite different.
Compassion would have been replaced by concern for you.
I once read "All writing is rewriting" .
A friend of mine did a series of paintings based on the concept of the difference between the ideal and the real.
On the left side of each canvas was a portrait of an idealized Mr. Potatoe Head.
On the right side the same Mr. Potatoe Head would be portrayed with the eyes, nose, ears ect. located in various places around the head.
It was funny, but true, there is always a difference between the ideal and the real.
I think the key is to be light hearted about it.
Everyone needs street smarts.
Tact, subtlety and applied technology work well together.
If someone says things that go beyond reason stop reading, delete it, unfriend them. Everyone has their limits.
Some people are beyond approach and need to be avoided.
The planet isn't populated with saints, only humans.
Your right each act of compassion is subject to the circumstances surrounding it and the people involved.
Some people deserve it others don't.
I think it's good to leave the option open.
Nothing worthwhile is easy.
My dad had what he called the school of hard knocks and I took some classes there. Those things in life you learn the hard way.
Refresher courses are always available but never desired.
If you think my email can help someone go ahead and use it with an initial.
I'm just an artist trying to maintain a positive outlook.
Thanks for taking my words in the spirit they were written.
K. G.
