Dealing with a seperation... Or a letter to Sandra...
Dear Sandra,
Let me start by saying how honored I felt when I saw your lovely message in my inbox this morning.
I know that it is not easy to share the intimate details of your recent separation with a "stranger."
But of course you know that we are no longer strangers, since we've been reading one another's poetry and words for many months now, and it feels like we have so many ideas and beliefs in common.
Like you've mentioned, sometimes, just talking about our pain and inner doubts, as well as writing about them, helps to clarify them in our own mind.
It is important to sort out the clouds of confusion and to be able to see the clear sky of our knowing and intentions.
Separating from a lover, is never an easy thing to go through... Even if you hold absolutely NO doubts in your mind and heart that it is the right thing to do.
There are many reasons for this, spread across many layers of truths.
On the physical level, there are the cherished memories, the good you felt in one another's presence, the joy of sharing your life, time, travels, and ideas, with another.
There is the physical closeness, being held, making love, being affectionate.... the list goes on and on...
On the truth level, separation is impossible, because we are all one, and because it implies that we suppose to "stop loving" the person.
You can choose not to share your life with a person, because you feel that it does not promote your highest good, but love is eternal and on some level, he will always be a part of you.
But something inside you, told you that the relationship is not a good one to keep.
You mentioned that he was standing in the way of your growth, as well as not being sensitive to your spirit and not honoring your wishes to let it fly, and express yourself as the free spirit you know that you are.
The stages of spiritual growth sometime involves needing to leave behind energies that no longer fit your new direction.
It may involve letting go and changing places, jobs, relationships, or people who may be holding on to the old belief system, that you are ready to move beyond.
You obviously felt that he is holding you back from your process of claiming your spirit and moving beyond the ego.
But you also mention a pit in your stomach, and a pain that feels almost to be beyond emotional, and goes into your physical being, because it feels so real...
I can offer no council as to whether or not, separation is advisable, as I have no details to work with.
I must assume and fully honor, that your better judgement told you that it is the right thing to do in this case.
As you know, emotional pain is always a reaction to some kind of fear or inner doubt, that you are telling yourself.... Or hearing inside.
(If you were hearing inside you, only happy and supportive messages, about your decision, you will not be experiencing pain.)
A normal part of the separation process, is to doubt your decision.
To romanticize the possibilities of making it work, or moving beyond barriers into a happy life together.
Doubting yourself is a process that needs looking into carefully.
I would advise you to sit down and write all the voices you hear inside you, and the messages they bring up.
Do not dismiss any voice, as nonsense or not valid.
Look for them....
Listen....
And write it down...
You may hear a voice saying: "You idiot, you will never be able to find another man like him. He was the BEST you ever going to get..."
Or: "Good for you girl! Now you can finally walk around without fear of saying what you think and feel... Imagine the freedom, it is good that you got rid of him, he felt like a heavy stone you've been carrying around for too long......"
You may hear voices saying things about financial hardship ahead, lonely nights, getting older and alone, as well as voices cheering your choice.... Write them all down.
When you feel you got a few listed, look at them and see if you get a hint as to where did you collect them from.... And how much you believe each one...
Some, you will find easy to brush aside, while others may feel real or insightful to you.
If you'll get some REALLY vicious ones, try to talking back to them and see if they have more to say.
There are layers of messages beyond the ones that bubble on the surface.
Uncovering them, will allow you to recognize what fears and doubts, are really lurking beyond the surface.
It is an important tool to implement, as it will become a process you can use in other areas in your life.
You can use it before making any big decision in your life. (like buying a house, a car, going on a major journey, moving in with someone, etc.)
When you look into your motives and fears, you can be more emotionally honest with yourself.
Now, before I will end this letter, (we have a yoga class in 30 minutes), I will say that it is Wonderful that you are in touch and aware of your pain.
That you are able to feel this pit in your stomach, and that honoring it, means that you are indeed sensitive and open with your process.
Be gentle with yourself and kind towards the part of you which grieves now, the separation from a lover and a friend.
Let your emotions heal naturally, instead of being afraid of them and afraid to feel their impact.
Cowards are those who reach for the bottle, because they are afraid to feel the pain...
If it is true growth you are after, do not fear the voices and emotions within you.
Learn to doubt them, argue with them, and dismiss the ones you have installed so long ago, that hearing them no longer serves you.
They might even change their tune also.... The critic will become less harsh....
The sabotager may whisper softly...."I am only saying this because I want you to be happy....."
But you will be able to come stronger out of this, if you use your 'alone' time productively.
You also of course, will be able to attract to yourself a wonderful new relationship, if it is what you are after- absolutely NO BOUBTS ABOUT THIS!!!!
Another thing that is good to remember, is that our emotional pain tends to settle into our physical bodies, and it is advisable while going through it, to take long walks (in nature if you can)... To do some deep breathing exercises... And my absolute favorite... is to do yoga.
I cannot begin to tell you how many memories and pain I have released during yoga...
And for me, painting in the studio for many hours, is a wonderful therapy session... Find out what works for you.
Now darling, if it is OK with you, I can take your name out, and I would like to post the part above, as a note.
Maybe I will call it "a letter to Sandra..?" or any other name you can suggest?
Just because there may be other girls, who may want to hear this also.
I know many more, who are dealing with the same issues...
Let me know your thoughts...
Love and very warm blessings,
Tali
Let me start by saying how honored I felt when I saw your lovely message in my inbox this morning.
I know that it is not easy to share the intimate details of your recent separation with a "stranger."
But of course you know that we are no longer strangers, since we've been reading one another's poetry and words for many months now, and it feels like we have so many ideas and beliefs in common.
Like you've mentioned, sometimes, just talking about our pain and inner doubts, as well as writing about them, helps to clarify them in our own mind.
It is important to sort out the clouds of confusion and to be able to see the clear sky of our knowing and intentions.
Separating from a lover, is never an easy thing to go through... Even if you hold absolutely NO doubts in your mind and heart that it is the right thing to do.
There are many reasons for this, spread across many layers of truths.
On the physical level, there are the cherished memories, the good you felt in one another's presence, the joy of sharing your life, time, travels, and ideas, with another.
There is the physical closeness, being held, making love, being affectionate.... the list goes on and on...
On the truth level, separation is impossible, because we are all one, and because it implies that we suppose to "stop loving" the person.
You can choose not to share your life with a person, because you feel that it does not promote your highest good, but love is eternal and on some level, he will always be a part of you.
But something inside you, told you that the relationship is not a good one to keep.
You mentioned that he was standing in the way of your growth, as well as not being sensitive to your spirit and not honoring your wishes to let it fly, and express yourself as the free spirit you know that you are.
The stages of spiritual growth sometime involves needing to leave behind energies that no longer fit your new direction.
It may involve letting go and changing places, jobs, relationships, or people who may be holding on to the old belief system, that you are ready to move beyond.
You obviously felt that he is holding you back from your process of claiming your spirit and moving beyond the ego.
But you also mention a pit in your stomach, and a pain that feels almost to be beyond emotional, and goes into your physical being, because it feels so real...
I can offer no council as to whether or not, separation is advisable, as I have no details to work with.
I must assume and fully honor, that your better judgement told you that it is the right thing to do in this case.
As you know, emotional pain is always a reaction to some kind of fear or inner doubt, that you are telling yourself.... Or hearing inside.
(If you were hearing inside you, only happy and supportive messages, about your decision, you will not be experiencing pain.)
A normal part of the separation process, is to doubt your decision.
To romanticize the possibilities of making it work, or moving beyond barriers into a happy life together.
Doubting yourself is a process that needs looking into carefully.
I would advise you to sit down and write all the voices you hear inside you, and the messages they bring up.
Do not dismiss any voice, as nonsense or not valid.
Look for them....
Listen....
And write it down...
You may hear a voice saying: "You idiot, you will never be able to find another man like him. He was the BEST you ever going to get..."
Or: "Good for you girl! Now you can finally walk around without fear of saying what you think and feel... Imagine the freedom, it is good that you got rid of him, he felt like a heavy stone you've been carrying around for too long......"
You may hear voices saying things about financial hardship ahead, lonely nights, getting older and alone, as well as voices cheering your choice.... Write them all down.
When you feel you got a few listed, look at them and see if you get a hint as to where did you collect them from.... And how much you believe each one...
Some, you will find easy to brush aside, while others may feel real or insightful to you.
If you'll get some REALLY vicious ones, try to talking back to them and see if they have more to say.
There are layers of messages beyond the ones that bubble on the surface.
Uncovering them, will allow you to recognize what fears and doubts, are really lurking beyond the surface.
It is an important tool to implement, as it will become a process you can use in other areas in your life.
You can use it before making any big decision in your life. (like buying a house, a car, going on a major journey, moving in with someone, etc.)
When you look into your motives and fears, you can be more emotionally honest with yourself.
Now, before I will end this letter, (we have a yoga class in 30 minutes), I will say that it is Wonderful that you are in touch and aware of your pain.
That you are able to feel this pit in your stomach, and that honoring it, means that you are indeed sensitive and open with your process.
Be gentle with yourself and kind towards the part of you which grieves now, the separation from a lover and a friend.
Let your emotions heal naturally, instead of being afraid of them and afraid to feel their impact.
Cowards are those who reach for the bottle, because they are afraid to feel the pain...
If it is true growth you are after, do not fear the voices and emotions within you.
Learn to doubt them, argue with them, and dismiss the ones you have installed so long ago, that hearing them no longer serves you.
They might even change their tune also.... The critic will become less harsh....
The sabotager may whisper softly...."I am only saying this because I want you to be happy....."
But you will be able to come stronger out of this, if you use your 'alone' time productively.
You also of course, will be able to attract to yourself a wonderful new relationship, if it is what you are after- absolutely NO BOUBTS ABOUT THIS!!!!
Another thing that is good to remember, is that our emotional pain tends to settle into our physical bodies, and it is advisable while going through it, to take long walks (in nature if you can)... To do some deep breathing exercises... And my absolute favorite... is to do yoga.
I cannot begin to tell you how many memories and pain I have released during yoga...
And for me, painting in the studio for many hours, is a wonderful therapy session... Find out what works for you.
Now darling, if it is OK with you, I can take your name out, and I would like to post the part above, as a note.
Maybe I will call it "a letter to Sandra..?" or any other name you can suggest?
Just because there may be other girls, who may want to hear this also.
I know many more, who are dealing with the same issues...
Let me know your thoughts...
Love and very warm blessings,
Tali
