A “Break” without the “breakthrough”
I once had a friend who was in great pain.
I called to cheer her up and to see if I can help in some way.
She poured her heart out, for a long hour... she told me what a difficult time she had in Miami.
She lamented about how she could not meet anyone worth meeting, how she hardly scraped a living from her craft, about how limited and sad her existence there was.... About how she had not been on vacation for years.... how she could not even connect with girlfriends....
I listened and sympathized.
I even tried to introject the idea, that some of her ways of thinking, are the reason she cannot bring much good into her life... how this exact way of seeing her reality, and some of her ways of processing information, is the reason she does not enjoy all the blessings in her life.....
I said that blessings comes to those who know how to count them... that joy is found in little things... and inside ones heart.... that by obsessing on the pain, she attract more of it, and she repels people who do not wish to dwell in sadness, that are energetic and happy and want to be with like minded people.... instead of becoming therapists and helpers for sad and gloomy people who insist that their ways of thinking IS THE WAY...
But most of my words fell on deaf ears.
So I tried another approach.
One that worked in the past.
I offered her to come for some rest and recuperation to Colorado, to be with us.
I thought that if she sees how we create our own reality, with the thoughts and beliefs we hold, that she will learn to see our blessings, ask us questions about how we created it... See how we interact and operate with our environment.... observe how we conduct our lives,... I hoped that she will go home richer and with better tools for life.
She said she was too broke to fly to Colorado.
I offered that I will buy the airline ticket for her.
I said I will pay for all the rest. restaurants, fun activities, the works.
She was happy... she said yes.
A day later she called all cheered up and bubbly.
She asked if she comes, can she take our car and go to town, to meet guys?
She said she heard that Colorado guys, are MUCH better than the guys in Miami.
She said that she would love to go out in the evenings to meet guys.
I was taken aback.
It was winter time, and we live 45 minutes from the nearest town which is Vail, and the roads are dark and slippery and the thought of her driving home after a few glasses of wine, did not delight me.
Beside, I thought she will benefit from our time TOGETHER.... listen and ask questions, learn how to re-direct her thinking... NOT connect on the same level that made her so miserable, only with guys that live in a different place.
BESIDE,
I KNOW that Miami is filled with good guys, that she will be delighted to meet.
She does not meet them now, because of her state of mind.
WE ALWAYS ATTRACT TO OURSELVES, people and experiences that resonate with our CURRENT ways of thinking and being.
In other words, if she sees nothing but unintelligent, none inspiring guys, this is what she is attracting to her.
A day later she called and asked if she can bring a girlfriend, so she can go out with her at night, to bars to meet guys.
She said that she would prefer NOT to go out alone, and that she assumes that Jules and I would probably not be interested in going out to bars with her, so is it OK to invite her friend also?
I KNOW that specific girlfriend, and I know what a bad influence in creative and life affirming ways of thinking she is.... PLUS, I know how broke that girlfriend is... with no money for a flight.... but this time, I did not wait to be asked if I can pay for the girlfriend’s ticket.....
I said NO, you cannot bring her. (probably at my expense)
And in fact, with her current state of mind and with these intentions, simply to have a paid vacation with no intentions of introspection and self reflection, I am withdrawing my invitation.
I said that I though that it will be an opportunity for us to spend time together and to bond, to reflect and to share.
I said that if she wanted to use it as a selfish way to “fix” her life in the “wrong” way, that she has to do it on her own dime.
I said that she is still welcome to come, that I am just not paying for her ticket and for all of her expenses.
There is no moral to this story.
It is just a story about me and my friend.
I still, did not learn how to “read” people correctly, and I do repeat my own mistakes, thinking that I can help people who do not really want, or are READY for a change... they only want a “Break” but without the real “breakthrough”.
I called to cheer her up and to see if I can help in some way.
She poured her heart out, for a long hour... she told me what a difficult time she had in Miami.
She lamented about how she could not meet anyone worth meeting, how she hardly scraped a living from her craft, about how limited and sad her existence there was.... About how she had not been on vacation for years.... how she could not even connect with girlfriends....
I listened and sympathized.
I even tried to introject the idea, that some of her ways of thinking, are the reason she cannot bring much good into her life... how this exact way of seeing her reality, and some of her ways of processing information, is the reason she does not enjoy all the blessings in her life.....
I said that blessings comes to those who know how to count them... that joy is found in little things... and inside ones heart.... that by obsessing on the pain, she attract more of it, and she repels people who do not wish to dwell in sadness, that are energetic and happy and want to be with like minded people.... instead of becoming therapists and helpers for sad and gloomy people who insist that their ways of thinking IS THE WAY...
But most of my words fell on deaf ears.
So I tried another approach.
One that worked in the past.
I offered her to come for some rest and recuperation to Colorado, to be with us.
I thought that if she sees how we create our own reality, with the thoughts and beliefs we hold, that she will learn to see our blessings, ask us questions about how we created it... See how we interact and operate with our environment.... observe how we conduct our lives,... I hoped that she will go home richer and with better tools for life.
She said she was too broke to fly to Colorado.
I offered that I will buy the airline ticket for her.
I said I will pay for all the rest. restaurants, fun activities, the works.
She was happy... she said yes.
A day later she called all cheered up and bubbly.
She asked if she comes, can she take our car and go to town, to meet guys?
She said she heard that Colorado guys, are MUCH better than the guys in Miami.
She said that she would love to go out in the evenings to meet guys.
I was taken aback.
It was winter time, and we live 45 minutes from the nearest town which is Vail, and the roads are dark and slippery and the thought of her driving home after a few glasses of wine, did not delight me.
Beside, I thought she will benefit from our time TOGETHER.... listen and ask questions, learn how to re-direct her thinking... NOT connect on the same level that made her so miserable, only with guys that live in a different place.
BESIDE,
I KNOW that Miami is filled with good guys, that she will be delighted to meet.
She does not meet them now, because of her state of mind.
WE ALWAYS ATTRACT TO OURSELVES, people and experiences that resonate with our CURRENT ways of thinking and being.
In other words, if she sees nothing but unintelligent, none inspiring guys, this is what she is attracting to her.
A day later she called and asked if she can bring a girlfriend, so she can go out with her at night, to bars to meet guys.
She said that she would prefer NOT to go out alone, and that she assumes that Jules and I would probably not be interested in going out to bars with her, so is it OK to invite her friend also?
I KNOW that specific girlfriend, and I know what a bad influence in creative and life affirming ways of thinking she is.... PLUS, I know how broke that girlfriend is... with no money for a flight.... but this time, I did not wait to be asked if I can pay for the girlfriend’s ticket.....
I said NO, you cannot bring her. (probably at my expense)
And in fact, with her current state of mind and with these intentions, simply to have a paid vacation with no intentions of introspection and self reflection, I am withdrawing my invitation.
I said that I though that it will be an opportunity for us to spend time together and to bond, to reflect and to share.
I said that if she wanted to use it as a selfish way to “fix” her life in the “wrong” way, that she has to do it on her own dime.
I said that she is still welcome to come, that I am just not paying for her ticket and for all of her expenses.
There is no moral to this story.
It is just a story about me and my friend.
I still, did not learn how to “read” people correctly, and I do repeat my own mistakes, thinking that I can help people who do not really want, or are READY for a change... they only want a “Break” but without the real “breakthrough”.
