Understanding the heart of women...... who am I to presume to know anything anyway?
Dear Virtual,
Sorry that I took so long to write back to you.
I have been very busy in the past few days with a visit from a dear friend and with rearranging my studio with some new desks and a sofa.
You know how everything these days comes in a flat packed box? and how you have to assemble it all yourself?
Well it took me the better part of a whole day, just to build a corner desk unit for my studio.
Luckily it all came with nicely numbered parts, tools and with easy to follow assembly instructions.
I am so pleased to have a writing desk in the studio.
I like to be able to write between detailed drawing sessions.
Up until now, in my studio, here in Colorado, I did not have a comfortable sitting area, just some chairs to sit on, while reflecting and pausing, during my painting schedule.
In the past, I was mostly working with oils and I was such a messy painter, that I did not want to be concerned with dirtying a nice sofa with my stained fingers or worrying about accidental splashes.
But now I am over it.
I bought an inexpensive sofa and a lounge chair and it is so nice to be able to lounge with a cup of tea and to reflect and rest while in the studio.
It also feels nice to enjoy the studio as a more “homey” space, and not just as a practical “work” space.
Work is really much less fun than the way I like to view painting, which is actually playing and having fun, expressing myself and exploring hidden areas of my soul.
But I can go on and on about the process of painting and the many benefits that it brings into my life.... but this is not why I am writing this letter to you.
The reason for this letter is to share with you some of my reflections on the subject that you’ve raised, (and I left unanswered), about the seemingly non committal nature of the female’s heart.
I can only speak about my own heart.
I would not dare to presume to speak for any other female but myself.
Yes, I did speak to many women in my days, and we did share many ideas about love and about romantic love, but all the processing I have done, was mostly done internally.
Was done with my own belief system and through the lenses of my own eyes.
The way I view it, is that this is really a broader “Human Issue” and not at all reserved for the realms of the “Female Psyche.”
Most people operates this way.
We form relationships by first being cursory.
We do NOT open our hearts to strangers that easily.
We first assess the person around and in front of us, and we “feel” them tentatively for a potential for friendship.
Women do the same.
They do not rush into giving their hearts to a man, without on some level, making sure that he is worthy of their trust and love.
Some women, and some people, can be very childish with their romantic love.
What I mean by this, is that many people have not taken the time to develop an adult mechanism of processing pain and learning to overcome pain, let alone heart breaks.
Without the needed tools, people simply try to avoid this “seemingly sharp pain” in their hearts - that they translate into a heart breaking feeling of desperation and loneliness.
But it is no more than an undeveloped emotional body that is fueled by not knowing how to avoid our minds and emotions from working AGAINST US..... instead of training them to work FOR US.
To the unbeliever, this may sounds like I am advocating “controlling your heart” or even “Not REALLY Feeling”.
But this is FAR from the truth..... SO FAR from the truth,...... that it is not even funny.
I am the first one to put my heart on the plate... to fall totally and completely in love.
I am NOT afraid to hurt and I heal easily.
This is because I took years of training in learning to observe and to choose my thoughts and feelings... and Yes!
Yes, IT IS A CHOICE!
It may not feel like this is true, to the uneducated emotionally, but we are much like waves of a radio transmission. If we set the dial on the sad, old songs,.... this is what we will hear.
You see Virtual, if you examine a “heart break”, you will find that there is little LOVE actually in there, and much ego disappointment and disillusion of personal expectations and the shuddering of personal gains...
Our emotional bodies are programmed by us continuously.
We feed ourselves messages through thoughts and ideas we hold.
We say things to ourselves to feed our pain or our joy.
We constantly reinforce messages into our emotional bodies.
We can reprogram our emotional bodies to hear a different tune.....
When you are sad and your mind keeps on telling you that you are never going to find someone.... that she was the best,.... and now that she is gone... that you need to have a better career, to attract a better girl,.... that you are not worthy... that marriages never works,..... that every girl will finally betray you,.... that love hurts,..... that love sucks,..... that relationships are complicated,...... that women are these delicate creatures that needs to be entertained, constantly taken cared off and loved,..... whatever the tune is....
When you feed yourself all these messages, your inner self, the one who is in charge of your soul, the one who searches for enlightenment and is the fun loving part of you, says: “Fuck this! I don’t want to do this! this sounds like SO MUCH FUCKING WORK!”
And darling, he is RIGHT!
If you view romantic relationship in the "light" of any of these messages, you are probably going to make yourself unhappy, before you even began the search for the “right” girl.
You will be projecting onto the woman you will meet, your ideas and you will look for signs as reinforcements of your ideas and to prove yourself right.
You will not be open for the moment and its many miracles.
You will probably not find a real magical woman with unbelievable powers to connect with, and enrich your life beyond your dreams... because you do NOT EXPECT this....
You expect the relationship to be hard work and a struggle... and it will probably will.
I urge you to raise the bar higher...... in your own mind.
Expect your encounters to be enriching and much fun.
Expect that this woman, coming into your life, will be a fellow traveler on this amazing journey that you are taking right now, Virtual.
You know how exciting your path really is.
I have seen it in you.
And if you are married, expect to see your wife in a NEW LIGHT....
Dare to think that she can hold your hand, not out of need and wants... but out of joy...
Think of your relationship as a ride on a roller coster...... together through life, where your partner and you, face the SAME direction and you are both too excited (or terrified) to berate one another,...... think of all the joys of holding hands in ecstasy....
And when the days call for calmer and quieter times,..... of reading and writing, painting, or reflecting, traveling or resting, just do not go for a roller coster ride.
Stay home together with a cup of tea,..... together in love and calm and mutual friendship and peace.
You can dream higher Virtual.... I have total faith in you.....
I truly do.
Sorry that I took so long to write back to you.
I have been very busy in the past few days with a visit from a dear friend and with rearranging my studio with some new desks and a sofa.
You know how everything these days comes in a flat packed box? and how you have to assemble it all yourself?
Well it took me the better part of a whole day, just to build a corner desk unit for my studio.
Luckily it all came with nicely numbered parts, tools and with easy to follow assembly instructions.
I am so pleased to have a writing desk in the studio.
I like to be able to write between detailed drawing sessions.
Up until now, in my studio, here in Colorado, I did not have a comfortable sitting area, just some chairs to sit on, while reflecting and pausing, during my painting schedule.
In the past, I was mostly working with oils and I was such a messy painter, that I did not want to be concerned with dirtying a nice sofa with my stained fingers or worrying about accidental splashes.
But now I am over it.
I bought an inexpensive sofa and a lounge chair and it is so nice to be able to lounge with a cup of tea and to reflect and rest while in the studio.
It also feels nice to enjoy the studio as a more “homey” space, and not just as a practical “work” space.
Work is really much less fun than the way I like to view painting, which is actually playing and having fun, expressing myself and exploring hidden areas of my soul.
But I can go on and on about the process of painting and the many benefits that it brings into my life.... but this is not why I am writing this letter to you.
The reason for this letter is to share with you some of my reflections on the subject that you’ve raised, (and I left unanswered), about the seemingly non committal nature of the female’s heart.
I can only speak about my own heart.
I would not dare to presume to speak for any other female but myself.
Yes, I did speak to many women in my days, and we did share many ideas about love and about romantic love, but all the processing I have done, was mostly done internally.
Was done with my own belief system and through the lenses of my own eyes.
The way I view it, is that this is really a broader “Human Issue” and not at all reserved for the realms of the “Female Psyche.”
Most people operates this way.
We form relationships by first being cursory.
We do NOT open our hearts to strangers that easily.
We first assess the person around and in front of us, and we “feel” them tentatively for a potential for friendship.
Women do the same.
They do not rush into giving their hearts to a man, without on some level, making sure that he is worthy of their trust and love.
Some women, and some people, can be very childish with their romantic love.
What I mean by this, is that many people have not taken the time to develop an adult mechanism of processing pain and learning to overcome pain, let alone heart breaks.
Without the needed tools, people simply try to avoid this “seemingly sharp pain” in their hearts - that they translate into a heart breaking feeling of desperation and loneliness.
But it is no more than an undeveloped emotional body that is fueled by not knowing how to avoid our minds and emotions from working AGAINST US..... instead of training them to work FOR US.
To the unbeliever, this may sounds like I am advocating “controlling your heart” or even “Not REALLY Feeling”.
But this is FAR from the truth..... SO FAR from the truth,...... that it is not even funny.
I am the first one to put my heart on the plate... to fall totally and completely in love.
I am NOT afraid to hurt and I heal easily.
This is because I took years of training in learning to observe and to choose my thoughts and feelings... and Yes!
Yes, IT IS A CHOICE!
It may not feel like this is true, to the uneducated emotionally, but we are much like waves of a radio transmission. If we set the dial on the sad, old songs,.... this is what we will hear.
You see Virtual, if you examine a “heart break”, you will find that there is little LOVE actually in there, and much ego disappointment and disillusion of personal expectations and the shuddering of personal gains...
Our emotional bodies are programmed by us continuously.
We feed ourselves messages through thoughts and ideas we hold.
We say things to ourselves to feed our pain or our joy.
We constantly reinforce messages into our emotional bodies.
We can reprogram our emotional bodies to hear a different tune.....
When you are sad and your mind keeps on telling you that you are never going to find someone.... that she was the best,.... and now that she is gone... that you need to have a better career, to attract a better girl,.... that you are not worthy... that marriages never works,..... that every girl will finally betray you,.... that love hurts,..... that love sucks,..... that relationships are complicated,...... that women are these delicate creatures that needs to be entertained, constantly taken cared off and loved,..... whatever the tune is....
When you feed yourself all these messages, your inner self, the one who is in charge of your soul, the one who searches for enlightenment and is the fun loving part of you, says: “Fuck this! I don’t want to do this! this sounds like SO MUCH FUCKING WORK!”
And darling, he is RIGHT!
If you view romantic relationship in the "light" of any of these messages, you are probably going to make yourself unhappy, before you even began the search for the “right” girl.
You will be projecting onto the woman you will meet, your ideas and you will look for signs as reinforcements of your ideas and to prove yourself right.
You will not be open for the moment and its many miracles.
You will probably not find a real magical woman with unbelievable powers to connect with, and enrich your life beyond your dreams... because you do NOT EXPECT this....
You expect the relationship to be hard work and a struggle... and it will probably will.
I urge you to raise the bar higher...... in your own mind.
Expect your encounters to be enriching and much fun.
Expect that this woman, coming into your life, will be a fellow traveler on this amazing journey that you are taking right now, Virtual.
You know how exciting your path really is.
I have seen it in you.
And if you are married, expect to see your wife in a NEW LIGHT....
Dare to think that she can hold your hand, not out of need and wants... but out of joy...
Think of your relationship as a ride on a roller coster...... together through life, where your partner and you, face the SAME direction and you are both too excited (or terrified) to berate one another,...... think of all the joys of holding hands in ecstasy....
And when the days call for calmer and quieter times,..... of reading and writing, painting, or reflecting, traveling or resting, just do not go for a roller coster ride.
Stay home together with a cup of tea,..... together in love and calm and mutual friendship and peace.
You can dream higher Virtual.... I have total faith in you.....
I truly do.
