Me and a wild man....
His name was Nathan and he was a tall journalist with a cynical tongue and many connections.
I met him one summer night, when he drove his open top, beat up jeep, down my street.
His blond long hair was blowing in the wind and his eyes were narrow with laughter.
He was a young man then, but his face already developed the attractive wrinkles you get from too much sun and too much laughter.
He showed up with a famous writer, called Dan, who never wore shoes, and who wrote great books about sex and fucking, mixed with deep and real ideas.
I always wanted to meet Dan, and here was my opportunity.
They were good friends, Nathan and Dan.
Even though I adored the books Dan wrote, and was totally in agreement with most of what he shared with the world, I could never envision myself in his bed.
By the time I became a woman, Dan looked already like a dirty old man.
He ate like a pig, had black crusted foot soles, and was quickly becoming an unhealthy man who saw too much, liked too little, and carried a lot of pain and disillusions around.
Sleeping with him was totally out of the question.
But Nathan, was still young, and easy to laugh with and had the spirit of a hungry man who was still hard for life and still in love with innocence.
We spent some dinners together, sitting among many writers, journalists and unpaid philosophers, sharing grilled fish and heated conversations.
We glanced into each other's eyes with unspoken promises, but we never hooked up.
During the years, we run into each other many times, and even shared laughter and ideas in bars or restaurants.
Years later, after my first divorce, and during my experimental times, we finally hooked up.
Since I have no reputation to defend here, I simply will come out and tell it like it was, trusting that when one speaks the truth, no bad outcome can befalls her.....
It was mid afternoon, on a spring day in Tel Aviv, and I was lonely and horny.....
I wanted to get laid and could not think of anyone in particular.....
I decided to get into my convertible and to drive around, hoping to be "guided"....
I made a turn into his street and "voilà!" right below his apartment, was a much coveted parking space and..... He was sitting in his balcony almost falling down from leaning over to grab my attention.
I parked my car and went up.
He made me lunch and we flirted and kissed, until I came out and said that it has been awhile.... And is he up to some afternoon fun?....
He carried me to the soft sofa and turned me over......
It was an eventful afternoon in his home.... We went on for hours.....
Which makes me wonder here...
What ever happened to making love for hours?
It is definitely NOT part of my regular activities as a married woman, with a career and much to do.... Making love for hours?...... just does not have time on the agenda..... Any longer..... Beside, to be honest, I come fast and lose interest...... What happened in the past? Was I not easily satisfied, that I could go on for hours? Is it a youth thing? Mmmm... I wonder.....
The next day I walked like a woman who was riding a horse for days, and I found black and blues, on my body, in areas that I did not know are even possible to reach.....
We never spoke about it, but in my wildest dream I could not view him as a potential boyfriend.
He was just too wild... Not the kind you could see walk the dog and pay the bills on time.
Now, that I am collecting my life's experiences, All the good and the rough, I laugh at this.
I was definitely a wild one too.... But I guess I always viewed myself as a good girl with a soul centered in the wellbeing of others..... And I truly did not view sex and love making, as a sin, a mistake, or something to beat myself over.
In fact, I often wonder, how did our society get it so wrong?
How did sex, which is such a natural act of love and passion, got so entangled with crime, with repression, with sin, with punishment and lack of morals?.....
How did it become such a taboo? or such a loaded subject that is hidden and never spoken off? In societies where everyone knows that everyone else is doing it, or has issues around it?
Why are we so ashamed of our natural urges and tendencies?
Why do some cultures believe that in order to reach enlightenment, one must abstain from earthly desires.... And from sex?
What if by giving the earthly desires, so much power, we actually strengthening them even more?
What is the benefit of repressing the natural, normal tendencies that we have, and glorifying the sadness, the hardship and death?
Why are we so in love with illness and why do we worship death?... When life and joy and fulfillment, are at our doorstep?
As you can see, I have many more questions than answers.
My heart goes out to the damage model of our societies... Who seemed to be in love with illusions and care so little for the path of truth.
We seem to be so focused on finding the "RIGHT" path.... Of being "RIGHT", and we rarely navigate our lives by what feels GOOD, GREAT, BLISSFUL.....
We believe the path to enlightenment, the path back to Buddha-hood, is filled with restrictions and rules to obey... It is actually NOT so.
The path is effortless.... It is a surrender of your old, worn out ideas.... It is an UNLEARNING process... Of allowing the universe to reveal to you it's many layers... Many dimensions..... Many possibilities..... Beyond your wildest dreams....
I met him one summer night, when he drove his open top, beat up jeep, down my street.
His blond long hair was blowing in the wind and his eyes were narrow with laughter.
He was a young man then, but his face already developed the attractive wrinkles you get from too much sun and too much laughter.
He showed up with a famous writer, called Dan, who never wore shoes, and who wrote great books about sex and fucking, mixed with deep and real ideas.
I always wanted to meet Dan, and here was my opportunity.
They were good friends, Nathan and Dan.
Even though I adored the books Dan wrote, and was totally in agreement with most of what he shared with the world, I could never envision myself in his bed.
By the time I became a woman, Dan looked already like a dirty old man.
He ate like a pig, had black crusted foot soles, and was quickly becoming an unhealthy man who saw too much, liked too little, and carried a lot of pain and disillusions around.
Sleeping with him was totally out of the question.
But Nathan, was still young, and easy to laugh with and had the spirit of a hungry man who was still hard for life and still in love with innocence.
We spent some dinners together, sitting among many writers, journalists and unpaid philosophers, sharing grilled fish and heated conversations.
We glanced into each other's eyes with unspoken promises, but we never hooked up.
During the years, we run into each other many times, and even shared laughter and ideas in bars or restaurants.
Years later, after my first divorce, and during my experimental times, we finally hooked up.
Since I have no reputation to defend here, I simply will come out and tell it like it was, trusting that when one speaks the truth, no bad outcome can befalls her.....
It was mid afternoon, on a spring day in Tel Aviv, and I was lonely and horny.....
I wanted to get laid and could not think of anyone in particular.....
I decided to get into my convertible and to drive around, hoping to be "guided"....
I made a turn into his street and "voilà!" right below his apartment, was a much coveted parking space and..... He was sitting in his balcony almost falling down from leaning over to grab my attention.
I parked my car and went up.
He made me lunch and we flirted and kissed, until I came out and said that it has been awhile.... And is he up to some afternoon fun?....
He carried me to the soft sofa and turned me over......
It was an eventful afternoon in his home.... We went on for hours.....
Which makes me wonder here...
What ever happened to making love for hours?
It is definitely NOT part of my regular activities as a married woman, with a career and much to do.... Making love for hours?...... just does not have time on the agenda..... Any longer..... Beside, to be honest, I come fast and lose interest...... What happened in the past? Was I not easily satisfied, that I could go on for hours? Is it a youth thing? Mmmm... I wonder.....
The next day I walked like a woman who was riding a horse for days, and I found black and blues, on my body, in areas that I did not know are even possible to reach.....
We never spoke about it, but in my wildest dream I could not view him as a potential boyfriend.
He was just too wild... Not the kind you could see walk the dog and pay the bills on time.
Now, that I am collecting my life's experiences, All the good and the rough, I laugh at this.
I was definitely a wild one too.... But I guess I always viewed myself as a good girl with a soul centered in the wellbeing of others..... And I truly did not view sex and love making, as a sin, a mistake, or something to beat myself over.
In fact, I often wonder, how did our society get it so wrong?
How did sex, which is such a natural act of love and passion, got so entangled with crime, with repression, with sin, with punishment and lack of morals?.....
How did it become such a taboo? or such a loaded subject that is hidden and never spoken off? In societies where everyone knows that everyone else is doing it, or has issues around it?
Why are we so ashamed of our natural urges and tendencies?
Why do some cultures believe that in order to reach enlightenment, one must abstain from earthly desires.... And from sex?
What if by giving the earthly desires, so much power, we actually strengthening them even more?
What is the benefit of repressing the natural, normal tendencies that we have, and glorifying the sadness, the hardship and death?
Why are we so in love with illness and why do we worship death?... When life and joy and fulfillment, are at our doorstep?
As you can see, I have many more questions than answers.
My heart goes out to the damage model of our societies... Who seemed to be in love with illusions and care so little for the path of truth.
We seem to be so focused on finding the "RIGHT" path.... Of being "RIGHT", and we rarely navigate our lives by what feels GOOD, GREAT, BLISSFUL.....
We believe the path to enlightenment, the path back to Buddha-hood, is filled with restrictions and rules to obey... It is actually NOT so.
The path is effortless.... It is a surrender of your old, worn out ideas.... It is an UNLEARNING process... Of allowing the universe to reveal to you it's many layers... Many dimensions..... Many possibilities..... Beyond your wildest dreams....
