Tel Aviv Beach Culture
You really have to understand the language
To appreciate it.
But, here I am,
Surrounded by Hebrew speaking people,
yet, I am the only one laughing.
And I am laughing SO hard,....
I am swallowing salt water,
From the blue Mediterranean sea
I am currently soaking in.
The life guards are FUNNY....
But nobody else is laughing...
Perhaps they got used to it by now...
Maybe I am coming with 'fresh' eyes...
Or a mind that is NOT saturated with this culture.
On the beach, you expect to hear,
The life guard announce the dangers
Of a rip tide,
The strength of the wind blowing
The arrival of stinging jellyfish schools,
Or sharks....
What you do not expect,
is a stand up comedy routine...
And this was exactly what these guys are up to.
But I am the ONLY one rolling in laughter around.
You see, the culture of life guards in Tel Aviv,
goes a long way back.
Movies have been made about them,
in the sixties,
It has been at the center,
of many sketch comedies during the years.
If you grew up in California,
your beach culture ideas
may include cool looking dudes,
ripping through waves on surfboards,
Blond girls with shinny legs and perfect bodies,
cold beer and sun.
But here in Tel Aviv,
the Life Guards are not cool dudes.
They are unattractive and very overweight guys...
With much time on their hands...
And with cynical minds....
They are modern days philosophers really....
When your full time, government job,
Is to sit on the beach, all day long,
In front of the blue ocean.....
And observe the human comedy,
All day,...
EVERY day,
You tend to get philosophical... And quick.
They always sit in a pack of five
Or more.
With their Girlfriends or wives,
Gorging large watermelon slices
Washing down Huge sandwiches
With mint tea.
A little girl lost her eye glasses.
The life guard announces it, over the speakers.
An hour later, he starts again...
"What is fucking wrong with you people?
Didn't I announce an hour ago,
that a Lillie girl lost her eye glasses?
Where are they?
Why did you not return it to our station?
It was over a fucking hour ago!
She is only eight years old...
She NEEDS her glasses.
Bring them to me!
And bring them AT ONCE!
DO You hear me?
I said Immediately!
She really needs them!"
Now,....
I absolutely cannot believe my ears...
And it is not just because they used
the word "fuck".... Twice!
And not a single soul around me
raised an eye,
Or giggled...
It is more the assumption that SOMEBODY,
Actually found the girl's glasses,
And decided to keep them.
In the USA, nobody will speak to a crowd of
Many hundreds, with this assumption in mind...
Maybe, just maybe, nobody found the glasses?
But the life guard continue to berate the crowd,
And his buddies chime in, with other jokes
And add to the comedy routine
More material of their own.
I am the only one paying ANY attention to them..
And I am laughing so hard,
I think I just swallowed a jellyfish.
To appreciate it.
But, here I am,
Surrounded by Hebrew speaking people,
yet, I am the only one laughing.
And I am laughing SO hard,....
I am swallowing salt water,
From the blue Mediterranean sea
I am currently soaking in.
The life guards are FUNNY....
But nobody else is laughing...
Perhaps they got used to it by now...
Maybe I am coming with 'fresh' eyes...
Or a mind that is NOT saturated with this culture.
On the beach, you expect to hear,
The life guard announce the dangers
Of a rip tide,
The strength of the wind blowing
The arrival of stinging jellyfish schools,
Or sharks....
What you do not expect,
is a stand up comedy routine...
And this was exactly what these guys are up to.
But I am the ONLY one rolling in laughter around.
You see, the culture of life guards in Tel Aviv,
goes a long way back.
Movies have been made about them,
in the sixties,
It has been at the center,
of many sketch comedies during the years.
If you grew up in California,
your beach culture ideas
may include cool looking dudes,
ripping through waves on surfboards,
Blond girls with shinny legs and perfect bodies,
cold beer and sun.
But here in Tel Aviv,
the Life Guards are not cool dudes.
They are unattractive and very overweight guys...
With much time on their hands...
And with cynical minds....
They are modern days philosophers really....
When your full time, government job,
Is to sit on the beach, all day long,
In front of the blue ocean.....
And observe the human comedy,
All day,...
EVERY day,
You tend to get philosophical... And quick.
They always sit in a pack of five
Or more.
With their Girlfriends or wives,
Gorging large watermelon slices
Washing down Huge sandwiches
With mint tea.
A little girl lost her eye glasses.
The life guard announces it, over the speakers.
An hour later, he starts again...
"What is fucking wrong with you people?
Didn't I announce an hour ago,
that a Lillie girl lost her eye glasses?
Where are they?
Why did you not return it to our station?
It was over a fucking hour ago!
She is only eight years old...
She NEEDS her glasses.
Bring them to me!
And bring them AT ONCE!
DO You hear me?
I said Immediately!
She really needs them!"
Now,....
I absolutely cannot believe my ears...
And it is not just because they used
the word "fuck".... Twice!
And not a single soul around me
raised an eye,
Or giggled...
It is more the assumption that SOMEBODY,
Actually found the girl's glasses,
And decided to keep them.
In the USA, nobody will speak to a crowd of
Many hundreds, with this assumption in mind...
Maybe, just maybe, nobody found the glasses?
But the life guard continue to berate the crowd,
And his buddies chime in, with other jokes
And add to the comedy routine
More material of their own.
I am the only one paying ANY attention to them..
And I am laughing so hard,
I think I just swallowed a jellyfish.
