About Giving yourself permission to be mediocre... In your writing and your art
Good Morning Stefan.
Thank you for allowing me to reflect here with you, about some important creative subjects.
I started my letter to you, in my mind a dozen times and in dozens of ways.
I find that I want to make myself understood, the best I can.....
I am usually not so worried about "being understood".
In general, I always thought that if I speak from the heart, and try to be as direct as I can, people will understand.
And even if they do not understand, they will take out of it, something that will work for them on some level.
But for some silly reason now,
I find myself VERY concern with trying to get through to you....
Trying to be precise and direct.
Not to dance around subjects metaphorically.
And l must tell you..... It does not feel like much fun for me.
I hope I can relax and change this attitude, through writing.... Hopefully even DURING writing this email, something will shift in me.
It feel unpleasant to write from this state of mind.
I am talking here, about your mentioning that you have the desire to say things EXACTLY and PRECISELY, in the way ideas, form in your mind, or to say nothing at all.
When I read your long email, in which you were laboriously trying to explain to me, what you thought, driving the point again and again, using words and in this, or another way, I was surprised.
I 'GOT' your point the first time,
and all the rest of your explanation seemed so unnecessary.....
I was actually wondering where it was coming from...
This assumption that NOBODY understands what you are trying to say.......and that you need to WORK so hard to explain and rephrase and explain again....?......
But I said nothing, because, personally, I love your writing.
I like to read your thoughts and even if they surprise me, I still enjoy being inside your mind.
I do find it a cool place to be. (that is, if I am still invited?)
This subject reminds me of a creative writing workshop I once took in New Mexico.
In it, some writers that I adore, talked about "From what point", do they write?
One said that she always writes, as if her audience/ readers, know absolutely NOTHING..... about anything.....As if they are idiots.... And she tells them everything in simple and very clear terms.
She said that her assumption, is that because, SHE is an idiot, (she actually said this), most of the time, she wants to be guided and spoken to this way.
Therefore, she loves to write this way.
Another writer, said the exact opposite.
She said that she is sharp and a bit impatient by nature, and she finds writers who drive their point too strongly, in an attempt to be understood, to be tedious and a bit shallow.
I reflected on both ways, and decided that I am somewhere in the middle.
I do like to drive a point... I am guilty of this... But I like to drive it gently or joyfully.
That means that somewhere inside me, I do care to be understood (aren't we all? I mean, what is the point in communicating if you REALLY do not care about being understood?.... It is best to write in your journal if you do not care to start a dialog.)
Now, I mentioned that this way of thinking, is the 'Enemy of creativity'.
Allow me to elaborate on this here.
In the arts,
You get better by practicing.
The very act of creating, painting, writing, helps you get better all the time.
It makes you fluent,fluid and effortless.
If you do not allow yourself to make mistakes, or sound bad sometimes, you will never grow as an artist.
I made some REALLY shitty art in my career.
It made me better by getting it out of my system and allowing myself some space to be bad.... REALLY BAD.
Eloquent Words that are so over polished, so well chosen, so rounded up, as to say the exact and precise things, are like painting a realistic painting.
I am not a lover of realistic paintings.
I always asked why would an artist who is so blessed with a talent so grand, as to be able to duplicate nature, would bother to do so?
Why not use this talent to create something truly amazing?
Why not dazzle us with YOUR VISION, instead of showing us how precise and accurate you can be with a brush, a canvas and much effort and time?
Why not make a surrealist scene, or make up a "realistic fantasy world".... If you have the inclination to paint realistically?
But this is just me....
Well, I am sure you get my point here.
When it comes to ideas, I find that the MOST potent way to communicate, is to be clear MYSELF, (in my own mind), about what I want to say.... And just come out and say it!
Let the outcome be what it may.
The idiots will not get it anyway.
My friends and many others, do get it... Because they dig me....
If they are really my friends, they will get it, or they will ask me for a further explanation, or they will just let it go...
Or they may be thinking to themselves: "Here she goes again, on one of her rants,... Let her come off her high horses and we will talk to her again when she is back."
(or something like this.)
What freezes an artist's creativity, is fear.
Fear to be misunderstood
Fear to be judged,
Fear to speak up
Fear to express ideas as open, wild, crazy, fun or mad as they can be.
Fear to create and fear to show your efforts to others.
Fear that the world will not love us.
Fear that we are unworthy
Fear that our place in the world is not sure.... Not safe...
Now, I am NOT promising you, that you will NOT be judge initially.
You will and it may make you vulnerable.
But with time, (as it happened with me), you will create for yourself a new environment.
An environment of supportive people that love you and love to live in this environment of mutual support.
On FB, I have a group of friends that resonate with me and that I resonate with.
Long time artists, like myself, KNOW the important of being supportive of one another and of giving support and sharing in a supportive environment. (I am including prose and poetry here too).
Any way,..... I wanted to mention, that, I do know what it feels like to want to be perfect.
To say things perfectly, to be precise and proper in all communications.
What feels like five hundred years ago, but really happened only 30 years ago, I was frozen too.
In fact, I was so anal retentive, such a perfectionist, that living inside myself, was a living hell.
I am NOT just talking in art, but in ALL ASPECTS OF NY LIFE.
My house was always sparkling clean, my bed always made to perfection, my cars shinny, my clothes without a spot or a hair... You get the picture...
I was a nightmare, but I did not know it, until MUCH later, when I learnt how to loosen up... And finally felt how good it feels, not to be so anal retentive.
I was a photography major in a new and experimental art- high school.
I was such a perfectionist, that I stifled all creativity out of me.
Art was sad....
a hard job.
No fun at all.
If I failed, I berated myself terribly for it.
(No wonder I switched and opened a restaurant instead.)
Now, when I switch to painting, from photography, I gave myself permission to do the exact opposite.
I stayed away from perfection at ALL cost.
I painted with my fingers....
Squeezed the paint directly from the tube..... Used an old credit card, hair combs... Really anything to be playful and NOT perfect and proper.
Art became Fun again.
Thank you for allowing me to reflect here with you, about some important creative subjects.
I started my letter to you, in my mind a dozen times and in dozens of ways.
I find that I want to make myself understood, the best I can.....
I am usually not so worried about "being understood".
In general, I always thought that if I speak from the heart, and try to be as direct as I can, people will understand.
And even if they do not understand, they will take out of it, something that will work for them on some level.
But for some silly reason now,
I find myself VERY concern with trying to get through to you....
Trying to be precise and direct.
Not to dance around subjects metaphorically.
And l must tell you..... It does not feel like much fun for me.
I hope I can relax and change this attitude, through writing.... Hopefully even DURING writing this email, something will shift in me.
It feel unpleasant to write from this state of mind.
I am talking here, about your mentioning that you have the desire to say things EXACTLY and PRECISELY, in the way ideas, form in your mind, or to say nothing at all.
When I read your long email, in which you were laboriously trying to explain to me, what you thought, driving the point again and again, using words and in this, or another way, I was surprised.
I 'GOT' your point the first time,
and all the rest of your explanation seemed so unnecessary.....
I was actually wondering where it was coming from...
This assumption that NOBODY understands what you are trying to say.......and that you need to WORK so hard to explain and rephrase and explain again....?......
But I said nothing, because, personally, I love your writing.
I like to read your thoughts and even if they surprise me, I still enjoy being inside your mind.
I do find it a cool place to be. (that is, if I am still invited?)
This subject reminds me of a creative writing workshop I once took in New Mexico.
In it, some writers that I adore, talked about "From what point", do they write?
One said that she always writes, as if her audience/ readers, know absolutely NOTHING..... about anything.....As if they are idiots.... And she tells them everything in simple and very clear terms.
She said that her assumption, is that because, SHE is an idiot, (she actually said this), most of the time, she wants to be guided and spoken to this way.
Therefore, she loves to write this way.
Another writer, said the exact opposite.
She said that she is sharp and a bit impatient by nature, and she finds writers who drive their point too strongly, in an attempt to be understood, to be tedious and a bit shallow.
I reflected on both ways, and decided that I am somewhere in the middle.
I do like to drive a point... I am guilty of this... But I like to drive it gently or joyfully.
That means that somewhere inside me, I do care to be understood (aren't we all? I mean, what is the point in communicating if you REALLY do not care about being understood?.... It is best to write in your journal if you do not care to start a dialog.)
Now, I mentioned that this way of thinking, is the 'Enemy of creativity'.
Allow me to elaborate on this here.
In the arts,
You get better by practicing.
The very act of creating, painting, writing, helps you get better all the time.
It makes you fluent,fluid and effortless.
If you do not allow yourself to make mistakes, or sound bad sometimes, you will never grow as an artist.
I made some REALLY shitty art in my career.
It made me better by getting it out of my system and allowing myself some space to be bad.... REALLY BAD.
Eloquent Words that are so over polished, so well chosen, so rounded up, as to say the exact and precise things, are like painting a realistic painting.
I am not a lover of realistic paintings.
I always asked why would an artist who is so blessed with a talent so grand, as to be able to duplicate nature, would bother to do so?
Why not use this talent to create something truly amazing?
Why not dazzle us with YOUR VISION, instead of showing us how precise and accurate you can be with a brush, a canvas and much effort and time?
Why not make a surrealist scene, or make up a "realistic fantasy world".... If you have the inclination to paint realistically?
But this is just me....
Well, I am sure you get my point here.
When it comes to ideas, I find that the MOST potent way to communicate, is to be clear MYSELF, (in my own mind), about what I want to say.... And just come out and say it!
Let the outcome be what it may.
The idiots will not get it anyway.
My friends and many others, do get it... Because they dig me....
If they are really my friends, they will get it, or they will ask me for a further explanation, or they will just let it go...
Or they may be thinking to themselves: "Here she goes again, on one of her rants,... Let her come off her high horses and we will talk to her again when she is back."
(or something like this.)
What freezes an artist's creativity, is fear.
Fear to be misunderstood
Fear to be judged,
Fear to speak up
Fear to express ideas as open, wild, crazy, fun or mad as they can be.
Fear to create and fear to show your efforts to others.
Fear that the world will not love us.
Fear that we are unworthy
Fear that our place in the world is not sure.... Not safe...
Now, I am NOT promising you, that you will NOT be judge initially.
You will and it may make you vulnerable.
But with time, (as it happened with me), you will create for yourself a new environment.
An environment of supportive people that love you and love to live in this environment of mutual support.
On FB, I have a group of friends that resonate with me and that I resonate with.
Long time artists, like myself, KNOW the important of being supportive of one another and of giving support and sharing in a supportive environment. (I am including prose and poetry here too).
Any way,..... I wanted to mention, that, I do know what it feels like to want to be perfect.
To say things perfectly, to be precise and proper in all communications.
What feels like five hundred years ago, but really happened only 30 years ago, I was frozen too.
In fact, I was so anal retentive, such a perfectionist, that living inside myself, was a living hell.
I am NOT just talking in art, but in ALL ASPECTS OF NY LIFE.
My house was always sparkling clean, my bed always made to perfection, my cars shinny, my clothes without a spot or a hair... You get the picture...
I was a nightmare, but I did not know it, until MUCH later, when I learnt how to loosen up... And finally felt how good it feels, not to be so anal retentive.
I was a photography major in a new and experimental art- high school.
I was such a perfectionist, that I stifled all creativity out of me.
Art was sad....
a hard job.
No fun at all.
If I failed, I berated myself terribly for it.
(No wonder I switched and opened a restaurant instead.)
Now, when I switch to painting, from photography, I gave myself permission to do the exact opposite.
I stayed away from perfection at ALL cost.
I painted with my fingers....
Squeezed the paint directly from the tube..... Used an old credit card, hair combs... Really anything to be playful and NOT perfect and proper.
Art became Fun again.
