My reflections about “Personal Space”- readers be warned- best contemplated with a glass of wine...
What I will write here, may sound unreal, but it is all true.
I have been holding off writing this piece for a few weeks now.... I guess now I am ready.
It all started when I was in Japan.
I was sitting in the hotel lobby on a high mountain, waiting for my husband, when I saw this strange, very strange scene:
An elderly woman was crossing the busy lobby.
Her walk was wobbly, she needed a cane, but she had none in her hand.
She walked straight into the arms of an elderly, thin man, who was also as stable as a feather in the wind.
They had “bumped” into one another, except, there was no “excuse me” or “forgive me” or “shitsurishimas” (gomen kudasai, pardon the intrusion) - exchanged AT ALL!
There was not even a sense of “bumping” into one another- it almost seemed like they walked straight into one another's embrace.
And for a few seconds, they stood there, holding and hugging one another, heart to heart- as if they were BEST of friends, maybe even lovers....
Except, they did NOT know one another at all.
After a few minutes of this close SILENT embrace, they both stood tall, separated without a word, and each walked over to their own spouses, without eye contact, without the slightest form of recognition.
I sat there quietly, trying to make sense of what just happened....
I could discern without a doubt, that they DID NOT KNOW one another.
Yet, there was such intimacy and warmth in their hug...
It just did not add up in my mind.
I live in a culture that believe in personal space.
And so, when someone steps on your foot, or bump into you, they immediately say: “I’m sorry” - it is automatic.
We believe in “Personal Space.”
Yet, here they acted like THERE was NO personal space.
Like it was the most natural thing..
like bumping into one another was just a hug....
The term “personal space” is an oxymoron, in my opinion anyway!
There is either pure space OR something personal- it cannot be both.
Allow me to try and explain:
If you decide to walk up a street, and somebody “gets in YOUR way” - is it really YOUR way?
Space is shared.
It cannot be personal- as in “held by one person”.
A hotel room that you sleep in tonight - is not “yours” tomorrow, after you checked out.
Space has no personal ownership.
Could space be “owned” by a person?
and if so, what space “belongs” to the people around you?
Do we each have a radius of a meter around us that is “ours?”.....
Maybe half a meter?....
In the rural countryside, is it two meters?....
Maybe it is our belief in “personal space” that is making other people into intruders into OUR space?.......
Is this why we are adding locks to our doors?.....
Why, we are not extending invitations to people to come to our homes?.....
Maybe this is why we look away on the bus or on the street, when we recognize private moments of love or tears- we want to give them “privacy”?.....
Maybe it is our belief in “personal space” that is standing in our way of understanding one another telepathically? - Maybe we believe we have to give each other “personal space?”
Maybe in holding on to this delusional belief, we make ourselves friendless, and lonely?
Now since I am already fucking with your brain with crazy theories, let me take it to another level. (you are welcome to go get a glass of wine... I will be here!)
Now let us imagine that the theory is NOT wrong...
That we do actually occupy space.
Maybe just not the SAME space...?
Maybe we have our own space and we pass one another like stars in the night?
Just like there are infinite stars in the sky - each its own light- maybe each one of us is a star? a planet of love and ideas?
Maybe each of our spaces is unique and special.
Maybe we each sing a unique song?.... that is as energetic as the next, as beautiful as the next....
Maybe we DO NOT NEED one another at all?
Maybe we just desire one another?
Want to be together? to increase our joy? to increase our fun?
Maybe we are both...... Totally WHOLE AND NEEDY?...
Meaning we LOVE to share and to BE together, but do not really NEED to be together....
Maybe we want to be together NOT for personal gain....
Maybe we just love to give AND to receive.....
maybe it is the “natural law” of the universe....
Maybe we are just dreaming that we NEED anything....
That we “need” success, power, money, recognition....
But that Ultimately, maybe we are all shinning powerful stars only wanting friends?......,
So back to the old Japanese couple in the hotel’s lobby:
Let us contemplate:
Maybe.... They were two spirits, that bumped into one another, hugged, energized one another and walked away without a word........
I have been holding off writing this piece for a few weeks now.... I guess now I am ready.
It all started when I was in Japan.
I was sitting in the hotel lobby on a high mountain, waiting for my husband, when I saw this strange, very strange scene:
An elderly woman was crossing the busy lobby.
Her walk was wobbly, she needed a cane, but she had none in her hand.
She walked straight into the arms of an elderly, thin man, who was also as stable as a feather in the wind.
They had “bumped” into one another, except, there was no “excuse me” or “forgive me” or “shitsurishimas” (gomen kudasai, pardon the intrusion) - exchanged AT ALL!
There was not even a sense of “bumping” into one another- it almost seemed like they walked straight into one another's embrace.
And for a few seconds, they stood there, holding and hugging one another, heart to heart- as if they were BEST of friends, maybe even lovers....
Except, they did NOT know one another at all.
After a few minutes of this close SILENT embrace, they both stood tall, separated without a word, and each walked over to their own spouses, without eye contact, without the slightest form of recognition.
I sat there quietly, trying to make sense of what just happened....
I could discern without a doubt, that they DID NOT KNOW one another.
Yet, there was such intimacy and warmth in their hug...
It just did not add up in my mind.
I live in a culture that believe in personal space.
And so, when someone steps on your foot, or bump into you, they immediately say: “I’m sorry” - it is automatic.
We believe in “Personal Space.”
Yet, here they acted like THERE was NO personal space.
Like it was the most natural thing..
like bumping into one another was just a hug....
The term “personal space” is an oxymoron, in my opinion anyway!
There is either pure space OR something personal- it cannot be both.
Allow me to try and explain:
If you decide to walk up a street, and somebody “gets in YOUR way” - is it really YOUR way?
Space is shared.
It cannot be personal- as in “held by one person”.
A hotel room that you sleep in tonight - is not “yours” tomorrow, after you checked out.
Space has no personal ownership.
Could space be “owned” by a person?
and if so, what space “belongs” to the people around you?
Do we each have a radius of a meter around us that is “ours?”.....
Maybe half a meter?....
In the rural countryside, is it two meters?....
Maybe it is our belief in “personal space” that is making other people into intruders into OUR space?.......
Is this why we are adding locks to our doors?.....
Why, we are not extending invitations to people to come to our homes?.....
Maybe this is why we look away on the bus or on the street, when we recognize private moments of love or tears- we want to give them “privacy”?.....
Maybe it is our belief in “personal space” that is standing in our way of understanding one another telepathically? - Maybe we believe we have to give each other “personal space?”
Maybe in holding on to this delusional belief, we make ourselves friendless, and lonely?
Now since I am already fucking with your brain with crazy theories, let me take it to another level. (you are welcome to go get a glass of wine... I will be here!)
Now let us imagine that the theory is NOT wrong...
That we do actually occupy space.
Maybe just not the SAME space...?
Maybe we have our own space and we pass one another like stars in the night?
Just like there are infinite stars in the sky - each its own light- maybe each one of us is a star? a planet of love and ideas?
Maybe each of our spaces is unique and special.
Maybe we each sing a unique song?.... that is as energetic as the next, as beautiful as the next....
Maybe we DO NOT NEED one another at all?
Maybe we just desire one another?
Want to be together? to increase our joy? to increase our fun?
Maybe we are both...... Totally WHOLE AND NEEDY?...
Meaning we LOVE to share and to BE together, but do not really NEED to be together....
Maybe we want to be together NOT for personal gain....
Maybe we just love to give AND to receive.....
maybe it is the “natural law” of the universe....
Maybe we are just dreaming that we NEED anything....
That we “need” success, power, money, recognition....
But that Ultimately, maybe we are all shinning powerful stars only wanting friends?......,
So back to the old Japanese couple in the hotel’s lobby:
Let us contemplate:
Maybe.... They were two spirits, that bumped into one another, hugged, energized one another and walked away without a word........
