Airlines
This for the benefit of those who do not live in the USA and may not have had the chance to fly with South West Airline. This is a REAL announcement:
"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight xy2
South West Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight.
It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.
Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.
If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.
Ladies please put your own mask on before assisting your husbands.
If you are traveling with more than one small child, please pick your favorite."
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
"Ladies and gentlemen, smoking is not allowed anywhere on the plane so if you wish to smoke, you are welcome to do so on the wing where if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.
Later during the flight pilot said: "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights.
This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
"Thank you for flying South West Airline.
We hope you've enjoyed giving us the business as much as we've enjoyed taking you for a ride."
"Please be sure to take all of your belongings.
If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.
"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight xy2
South West Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight.
It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.
Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.
If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.
Ladies please put your own mask on before assisting your husbands.
If you are traveling with more than one small child, please pick your favorite."
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
"Ladies and gentlemen, smoking is not allowed anywhere on the plane so if you wish to smoke, you are welcome to do so on the wing where if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.
Later during the flight pilot said: "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights.
This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
"Thank you for flying South West Airline.
We hope you've enjoyed giving us the business as much as we've enjoyed taking you for a ride."
"Please be sure to take all of your belongings.
If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.
